


Welcome to The Shelter

by LarytaDaftJustice



Category: Daft Punk, Electronic Dance Music RPF, Justice (Band)
Genre: Bakery!AU, M/M, Minor Violence, Resolved Sexual Tension, Smut, not all of them are teens now but most of them were when they ran away so..., radio!au, runaway teens, tw: some descriptions of panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-01-20 08:50:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1504259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarytaDaftJustice/pseuds/LarytaDaftJustice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's an old, abandoned theatre full of crazy people, and it's the first place they can call home.</p><p>"Above the old double doors rests a sign that someone has written with white spray paint.</p><p>'The shelter'</p><p>They stare at each other for a split second, as if this would be the last time they are going to ask themselves if this was the right decision. Both rearrange the heavy backpacks that hang of their shoulders and open the door."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The theatre

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Psychoodkiller](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychoodkiller/gifts).



> This fic is dedicated to Psychoodkiller who had the beautiful idea of a radio!au
> 
> The first one is an introductory chapter so I'm sorry if it's not really interesting.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't know nor own any of the members of Daft Punk, Kavinsky or any of the Ed bangers, this is a work of fiction. Any similarity with reality is mere coincidence.

They arrive to the place and somehow it already feels like home. That's what two days of taking the wrong buses and, therefore, wasting all of your money can do to you. From the outside it looks like a nest of junkies, but they know what it really is. It's partially hidden, at the end of an alley that it's too big to actually call it like that; maybe it would be more accurate to say that the place itself looks like it has chosen to move backwards, sank in the block. As far as they know it's a theatre that closed about 70 years ago. The owner died or something. It's basically an abandoned building.

Above the old double doors rests a sign that someone has written with white spray paint.

**_'The shelter'_ **

They stare at each other for a split second, as if this would be the last time they are going to ask themselves if this was the right decision. The taller one nods and the smaller one sighs. Both rearrange the heavy backpacks that hang of their shoulders and open the door.

Inside it's warm and the complete opposite to the outside. The place is big, bigger than what they thought. It breathes with the sound of different instruments playing at a low tone, as if the musicians wouldn't want to annoy one another too much. The paint on the walls isn't exactly in its best state but it's a worn red that seems to welcome you. This was probably the lobby and it's not that big except for the fact that it has a huge arch dividing it from the auditorium and it's almost as if there would be no separation at all. All the lights are on and the place shines so much you can almost see it when it was fully functioning in its glory.

They walk through the arch and take note that all the chairs have been removed. Instead there is a great deal of old couches and carpets all strewn about. Here and there you can spot young people talking or playing instruments. Then there's the stage, big and imponent, telling you stories about old plays and actors you may never hear about. It becomes fairly obvious that there's always new people here, because no one seems to care about them, but still they kind of feel like they should talk with someone, they need to find a specific person anyways.

A twenty-something years old boy is sitting against a wall with a guitar in his hands and it looks friendly enough that they can ask him what they need to know. As they get close to him, he rises his head and flashes a smile.

\- Hey. - Of course he'll be the one who'll have to talk for both of them at first, he doesn’t even need to ask. -  My name is Thomas. This is my friend Guy-Manuel. Nice t-to meet you.

The guy's smile widens and his shoulder-length dark hair gets all messy when he takes off the leash of his guitar, passing it above his head. He stands up, leaving the instrument on the floor.

\- I'm Xavier. - He shakes Thomas' hand and takes a pack of cigarettes from his right pocket. He has apparently chosen not to greet Guy the same way, as if he would already know about his shy personality. Guy-Man can't be more grateful. - Pedro told me about you two. You're looking for him, right?

Thomas and Guy nod their heads at unison.

\- Right. I'll take you with him. – He lights a cigarette and gestures with his hand. - Follow me. I'll even give you a little tour, if you want.

They silently comply, following his lead through a side door that it's actually a smaller arch with a curtain. This takes them to a series of hallways that seem to end up in the backstage, but they also connect to other hallways that go into different directions. The theatre is much bigger than you can tell from the outside, it looks like a labyrinth.

Then again, there are a couple of guys in the way, leaned against the walls and happily chatting. Xavier looks back every once in awhile, as if he would want to check that they are following him. Thomas notices that he's really skinny, he's wearing a too-large leather jacket and his legs are like two sticks, it almost makes him look like a child wearing his big brother's clothes.

\- Like you may guess, these hallways lead to the backstage. - Xavier says, partially turning around and stopping. - I know it feels like you can get lost if you turn the wrong corner but you'll get used to it faster than you think. - He smiles again, scrunching his nose a little when he notices Guy's lost look. - These other hallways lead to the rooms and bathrooms in the ground floor. I know it's not typicall of a theatre, but I'll tell you the story. - He starts walking again. - People say the first owner of this place was a very rich man, but unlike any other, he was very kind and loved to talk with everybody. He didn't mind if the person was a poor kid on the street, and couldn't care less if his rich friends disapproved it.

They reach a metal stair and start going up to the first floor.

\- One day, his uncle died and he inherited a lot more money than he needed. If you ever talk with the old lady who owns the cafe down the block, she'll relate you the stories that his grandma told her about how the man used to sit at the bar and discuss with his mother when she was a child. What he wanted was to use his money to help people but didn't know how. - Xavier stops at a seemingly random door. - Are you hungry?

\- Hell yeah! - It's the first time Guy-Man talks and, instead of being him who blushes, it's Thomas the one who looks down with a little shame.

Xavier chuckles and his nose scrunches up again.

\- Well... I'm hungry too. Why don't we eat something before we go see Pedro? I know he's actually busy right now, so you would have had to wait anyways.

Again, as if they would be mentally connected, they nod in unison and follow Xavier, who opens the door and lets them into the kitchen area. The room has a couple of tables, large benches and some mismatched chairs. In a little table on a corner, next to a closed window, rests a big radio. There are two refrigerators and they are really big, industrial-like, same with the oven where, they could swear, three persons could cook at the same time, if only just a little uncomfortable.

A tall boy, with short hair and blue eyes, is cooking in a big pan. The smell is delicious and makes their stomachs growl. Away from the noisy musicians, this is a fairly silent room and Xavier can totally hear their hunger turning into sound. He doesn't say a thing about it, but he makes a pained face, full of understanding there in the wrinkle that forms between his eyebrows.

\- Chris!

The guy turns around and smiles warmly.

\- Xav! Who are your new friends?

\- These are Thomas and Guy-Man, the new kids Pedro was talking about yesterday, and they are as hungry as I am!

Chris laughs and shakes both of their hands.

\- Don't worry guys, I'm hungry too so this won't take much longer. Have a sit, you must be tired.

\- Thanks. – Thomas answers, suddenly not as ashamed as he used to be.

 They both leave their backpacks in a corner, on the floor, and sit one next to the other at a table. Xavier sits a cross from them.

\- This is the first floor’s kitchen, but there's another one on the ground floor. It's the only place where we prefer not to smoke. - He comments, and sure enough, they realise he has thrown his cigarette somewhere before coming in. - Anyway... What was I talking about?

\- The first owner of this place. - Guy-Man says and Thomas stares at him with the corner of his eye, surprised by his friend seemingly getting quickly comfortable with talking.

\- Oh yeah! So... - Xavier takes off his leather jacket and then they notice that this room is warmer than the others, which is a blessing because it's winter and freezing cold outside.

Soon, they are both taking off their winter coats as Xavier talks.

\- One day the man noticed that there were a lot of artists sleeping on the streets or living in abandoned houses because they couldn't find a job. Those were rough times for the musicians and actors who didn't came from a golden cradle. - He squints at Chris, who is chuckling and mumbling something about him loving to tell this story. - So he decided to use all the money he inherited to build not only a theatre for them to perform, but also a place where they could live and be safe.

Thomas smiles at the noble idea and Guy-Manuel smiles at Chris putting a couple of spoons and plates with stew in front of them, he mumbles a shy thanks.

Xavier takes his plate while he keeps on talking and Chris sits by his side.

\- The theatre became a home for lots of artists and soon it was a famous place. The owner taught his children to be kind with everybody despite of what the rich would say and, when he died, they kept on manteining the theatre open, and the tradition went on in the family. - He makes a pause to eat but soon keeps on babbling. - But the last one was a lonely, single, dude who didn't have anyone to keep with the tradition and died of some sickness at a young age. So the place got closed and the authorities kicked out all the people living here.

\- It was abandoned for a long time. - Chris adds. - Until about twenty years ago, when Pedro's father found it, they barely had any money so he and Pedro, who was about 3 years old, started to secretly live here. He heard about the history of the theatre and decided  to make it come to life again, turning it back into a shelter for runaways and homeless artists like us. Now that he's dead, Pedro keeps on taking care of it, and well... You know the rest.

\- He's the one who "deals" with the authorities, you know? - Xavier says after a moment of silence. – Pedro... A little bit of money every month so they won't kick us out like they did in the past, and we're paying the bills and such anyways, so... We are safe for now.

Xavier falls silent when he notices how fast Guy-Man and Thomas are eating.

\- How long has it been? - He suddenly asks but his tone has changed to a soft one. Thomas frowns, not understanding the question. - Since you don't eat...

They stare at each other for moment.

\- Yesterday afternoon. - Guy-Man answers.

Chris raises his eyebrows until they almost touch. They all fall silent.

\- Well! - Xavier says when they have finished with dinner. - Don't worry about the dishes and such. Let's take you with Pedro, it's already late and you'll want to know where your room is so you can get some sleep.

Both their faces light up with the promise of a room with actual beds. They have been sleeping, for about two days, at the numerous buses where they have traveled until they got to this place. Their backs hurt and they surely can't sleep anymore in the cold.

Soon they are back into walking behind Xavier, with their backpacks hanging from one shoulder and the warm feeling of food in their bellies. They climb the stairs to the second floor, where they find more hallways with doors they assume are mostly rooms, but, instead of having to keep on going, they stop at the first door. Xavier knocks at it and winks at Guy-Man who dares to shyly smile back.

When the door opens, Pedro's familiar face appears and he instantly smiles.

\- Thomas and Guy-Man! Good! How are you? I thought you were coming tomorrow. - He says and hugs both.

\- There was a little... Change of plans. - Thomas says.

\- Don't worry! Your room is already empty anyways. - He hugs Xavier as if he wouldn't have seen him in weeks, which they know it's probably not the case by what Xavier said about knowing they were coming. - Thank you for bringing them up here.

\- No problem, captain. - He answers and if anything, the look on his face it's as if he would be hugging his own father. - I'm going to sleep, Gaspard must be already snoring. - Thomas raises an eyebrow and Xavier beams. - You'll know who he is tomorrow. It was really nice meeting you, guys.

\- Same. Thank you for the meal. - Guy says with a happy tone while Pedro walks them inside.

\- Nothing to thank me for. You won't have to worry about that anymore. Good night... Oh! And... - Xavier adds, and Thomas and Guy, already standing in the middle of the room, turn around to see him about to close the door. - Welcome to The shelter.


	2. First night

Pedro's room, they guess, it's probably not too different from any other on the theatre, except that it only has one bed against the left wall and one of the few things they know about this place is that all the other rooms are shared. The space left is occupied with some furniture and an old, really big, wooden desk in the middle. There's two chairs in front of it and then some kind of armchair at the other side where Pedro sits down. Behind him there's a window with a white frame and the blinds closed.  
The desk is fool of papers, drawings, and curiously a blueprint of the entire place.  
Pedro invites them to take a sit and, when they get closer to the blueprint, they notice it has the names of every person who sleeps on the rooms. The ground floor and first floor rooms are for four people, while the ones in the second floor are for two, in a quick glance you may say the entire place has about 50 or so. There is 8 bathrooms and 2 kitchens, being the one in the ground floor bigger than the one they have been in. Then, of course, there's the dressing rooms, the green room, the auditorium and all the tipical spaces needed for a theatre to function.

\- So... What's your first impression? Do you like the theatre?

\- It's beautiful, definitely much better than what we thought and people seem to be really cool too. - Then again, it's Guy-Man the one talking instead of Thomas and this doesn't cease to disconcert his friend.

\- Great! I'm glad to hear that. - Pedro takes a pen and writes their names on a room on the second floor. - This is gonna be your room. You're lucky. This year we're full, there's only a couple of rooms left and they are all just for two... Guess it's gonna be more comfortable for you.

They both smile at that, knowing they'll have their own privacy. Guy-Man looks to a side briefly and notices some kind of trash can full of older blueprints neatly coiled. Pedro must print one every year so he doesn't have to erase the names of the ones who go away, to write the ones of the new kids on the rooms.

\- I'm gonna explain to you a little of how things work in this place. - Pedro smiles and it's almost too sweet, as if the man couldn't stop radiating love. - Most the people here works half-time so they have some hours of the day that they can use to practice with their instruments or whatever. You don't have to worry if you don't find a job right away. Every month we collect some money, the amount being as much as you can and want to give me, you're not allowed to give me too much either. I don't like that you can't do whatever you want with it, it's your money and you should be able to save it or spend it in what you want, so I'll be really angry if you try to give me half your salary or something like that.

Thomas raises his eyebrows. If Pedro would be more noble he would be a saint.

\- The money we collect is used to pay the bills and to buy food and all of that. A lot of us buy our own food but there's always someone who gets to the end of the month with little to no money, and then is when they can go to the kitchen and eat from what we bought. Not much of us know how to cook decently, but the ones who do, are always making enough for at least four, just out of habit. - He shrugs and his eyes light up. - We protect and help each other as much as possible, like a family. A lot of the guys here are crazy but they are amazing too and I learn something new from them everyday. So I strongly encourage you to make friends with as much people as you can.

\- We will. - Thomas assures him. - If they are all like Xavier and Chris, then we’ll be glad to.

Pedro sighs, the corner of his lips perpetually curled upwards, and the look he's giving them is as if he would be greeting his newborn sons to the world.

\- There is a couple of guys you may find to be... Not as happy to talk like Xavier does, but with a little of time you'll get to know them and see they are just shy. - He makes a pause and searches for something in a drawer on the desk. - All the rooms have signs with names. Yours already has its sign, Bertrand likes to write them so they look nice. - He chuckles. - You'll know what I mean when you see it. And talking about that, let me take you there!

They get out of Pedro's room and start walking down the hallway, only turning a couple of corners before stopping at a door. Sure enough, the comment about the sign makes sense now. Their first names are written with black, overly artistic letters full of curls and the handwriting is so prolix it's almost as if an architect, with their skilled hands, would have been the one who wrote them.

\- I know you're not very fond of your first name, Guy-man, so I asked Bertrand to use your nickname.

\- Thank God! - The shorter man exclaims and it makes Thomas chuckle.

\- Xavier and Gaspard sleep in the room next to this one, they can be a little... Noisy sometimes. - He snorts then, it looks as if be would enjoying some inside joke. - But you can just shout at them to shut up.

Pedro unlocks the door and allows them go inside first. Like they predicted, their room is not much different from Pedro's. There's two beds against opposite walls, a big closet and a desk with a chair. Though, opposite to the door and separating their beds, a french door greets them. It's closed but the blinds are open, revealing a balcony that is shared with the adjoining room.

\- This is so much more than what we could ask. - Thomas lets out, almost sighing while he speaks, his breath escaping his lungs.

\- Well, you actually are really lucky that this, specifically, is one of the rooms that I had left. And it's only because the girls that used to sleep here went away last week. The four rooms on this hallway and the ones on the first floor at this side of the building are the only ones with a set of shared balconies. The theatre is so big that, if you look outside, you’ll realize you're watching the street at the opposite side of the block. - Pedro comments, leaned against the frame of the door with his arms crossed.

Guy-manuel turns around to stare at him, still with his mouth open out of being shocked with how amazing this is, and he smiles so openly that, when Thomas turns around, he's almost blinded with the beautiful view.  
They've been so worried lately. It was as if they wouldn't have smiled in years. Guy-Manuel smiling like that is the final sign he needed. They definitely made the right choice in coming here.

\- Thank you so much. - Guy-Man says and his baby blue eyes are so glossy Thomas is afraid he's about to start crying.

\- Thank you for deciding to join our family. - Pedro answers and if anything he's almost glowing.

Thomas immediately understands how Xavier might see Pedro and why, when he looks at him, he is sure that his deep brown eyes are expressing a fond feeling you can only have for someone who raised you.

\- Now, these are your keys. - Pedro hands them to Guy.- Try not to lose them. But if you do, I have a spare one in my room. Don't worry, I won't walk in without warning or something like that. It's just for emergencies. – He yawns and scratches the top of his head, messing with his blonde middle-length hair. - It's late, I'm gonna leave you alone so you can get some rest.

\- Thank you again, Pedro. - Guy-man says. - You don't know how much this means to us.

\- Oh, no. I do know... Good night, boys.

He walks out and closes the door. Guy-Man stares at it for a moment before locking it and leaning against it with a sigh.  
For the first time since they got inside the place, they are all alone and have some time to fully understand their new situation.  
Thomas opens the closet and leaves their backpacks, full of their clothes and personal items, inside. Tomorrow they'll have the time to unpack. He walks around. The walls are plain white and the frame of the french door is black. He stands in front of it, staring outside and finally decides to open it. The chill hits his body really quick and he shivers while closing the blinds. Once he finishes he turns around and sits on the bed at the right side of the room.

\- We did it. - He whispers, looking down, eyes wide and unfocused.

Guy walks towards him and Thomas only raises his head when his sneakers appear on the wooden floor he's been blankly staring.

As he predicted before, tears are now falling down Guy's face. Before Thomas has the time to ask if he's ok, Guy-Man is letting himself fall over him, throwing him on his back against the matress. The moment Thomas hears him laughing, he understands.  
Then Guy is hugging him and kissing him like they haven't kissed in a long while.  
These past months have been so stressful they forgot what it felt like to be able to kiss and leave the world behind. They forgot what it felt like to lie on bed and just stare at one another in silence, to laugh, to caress each other, to make music together, to watch movies, to dance alone in Thomas' room, to make love... And how horrible it is to realize that they even forgot that they were forgetting these things, growing apart, when they were, actually, desperately trying to stay together.  
Thomas wants to do all those things with him again.  
Right now, he especially wants to take all his clothes off and make love with him as gently and lovingly as humanly possible. But not tonight. They are tired and as worn out as the paint on the walls of the auditorium.  
Soon, the lights are off, their clothes strewn about on the other bed and they are hugging under the thick blankets, warm, sleepy, and finally at peace.  
Even if his heart craves for all the things they've missed doing, this is perfect, just for now.


	3. The radio man

A few days have passed by, they've been mostly focused on finding a job, but still with no success.

Leaving that aside they've found that this place is not just full of musicians. Bertrand, for example, turned out to be a painter who is currently studying graphic design and photography at a nearby college. There's also this highly extroverted guy named Vincent who happens to be an amateur actor. A couple of sisters, who love to talk with Thomas at lunch, are dancers, and so on.

Xavier had been happy of showing them those parts of the place they hadn’t seen yet, including places like the backstage area and some hidden passages.

Like a lot of buildings from that time, the theatre is an unsolved mystery, full of secrets yet to be discovered. Some rooms, Xavier said, have passages that lead to parts of the place that don't show in the blueprint Pedro has. Said passages can only be found by knocking on the walls to hear if they sound hollowed, and then search for a way to slide them or push them back to reveal unseen hallways that connect to different parts of the place. When asked how can this not figure in Pedro's blueprint, Xavier answers that it isn't the original one, it was rather made of estimates; Pedro's father made the effort of drawing it with one of the, now gone, occupants who knew about architecture. He said Pedro doesn't mind, the thing itself is really inacurate but fulfills its function.

\- Pedro is really busy all the time, as long as the blueprint works to remind him where we all are, it's ok. - Xavier said. - But some of us... – He trailed off. His eyes shone with a different spark, something Guy-Man found interesting, the emotion not all too clear then. - There are a lot more passages that we are sure we haven't found.

 

A couple of days after that, they are hanging out with the guys they get along best on the roof, being Bertrand, Christopher and Vincent part of that group. These last three are, in Xavier's words, "the chatty ones", not because they talk as much as him but because, in contrast with the others, they seem to be really talkative.

All of them are sitting on a circle, enjoying the first day of Spring, which is not all together so warm but at least is not the restless cold they were suffering a few days ago.

\- Why is this antenna here? - Thibaut asks, and everybody turns to look at him.

Thibaut is Christopher's roommate, his long hair frames his face and it helps to hide it when all eyes are on him like right now. He is one of the new boys and being as shy as he is, whenever his mouth opens to speak some people is even surprised that he has a voice.

\- It's the radio antenna. - Comes the reply, and, then again, all eyes move to fall over another usually silent figure.

Sebastian is sitting on top of a wall that can't be more than 3 ft tall, at the verge of the building. His back turned to the street and feet dangling close to the floor of the roof. He's all dressed in black and it makes perfect contrast with his pale skin. If anything, it's equally appealing and frightening to think in touching him. He has a winter aura, his eyes are in between green and light blue and they match perfectly with him, he is like snow and more than once you could find yourself wanting to caress one of his arms with a finger, if only to check if his body temperature is equally cold, but then you wouldn't, because his perpetual scowl is the perfect indicative that he may punch you in the face if you dare.

\- I didn't know this place has a radio. – Thomas comments. He did saw the antenna some days ago but, now that they are sitting a few feets away from it, he realizes they never wondered what it was doing there on the first place. 

\- Nobody knows when it was installed. - Chris smiles at Xavier. - Nobody knows where the radio equipment is either.

\- It's where _he_ hides. – Xavier adds, eyes shining with that strange undefined emotion again.

Someone sighs behind Guy-Manuel and he looks over his shoulder. There lays Gaspard, the most quiet of them all. Resting on the floor out of their chatty circle. His hair is a long mess, fanned out beneath him, and he almost looks as if he would be sinking in his curls. He shakes his head just slightly, his black, circular sun-glasses reflecting a gleam of sunlight as he does so.

Xavier is staring at what he can see of him behind Guy with a poisoning look and he seems to be expecting for Gaspard to disappear in a sudden cloud of smoke. Guy, in exchange, almost wants to move to a side, feeling as if he would be sitting cross legged in the middle of a war zone.

Something curious about these two is that, when Pedro made that comment about them being "a little noisy sometimes”, Thomas and Guy-Man interpreted it as a sex joke, but the thing between them seems to be all the way around. Whenever Xavier and Gaspard are together the air gets thick, their personalities are as opposed as they can be and Chris told Thomas that they tend to fight more often than not, but nobody is really sure over what subject.

Guy-Man has always been well known to be just like the not-so-talkative ones in this group, but it bubbles inside him a little of curiosity, a little of harmless evil. He's sure, watching the current situation, that at least one of the reasons why they argue has to do with the radio. So he feels compelled to ask.

\- Who?

\- Well, nobody knows. - Xavier's expression shifts in a blink, from venomous snake to happy, friendly dude. - He hides somewhere in the building. We think he uses a computer programme to change the tone of his voice. His show airs from 9pm to 1am, mostly every day. 

\- For years we've been trying to figure him out. - Chris flashes a smile towards Thibaut who looks interested enough to raise his head, coming out from his mop of hair and showing his face to the world. - Most of the people here, like Vinco, Sebos, Gaspard and I, have works with rotating schedules. It should be easy to tell who has that time at night, almost every single day, to go wherever the radio equipment hides and make the show, but it has been impossible to know.

\- We have the theory... - Bertrand, who has, strangely, been quiet the whole while, lights a cigarette and rests the back of his head against Sebastian's legs, which dangle behind him. - That Pedro knows who he is. - Thomas raises an inquisitive eyebrow. - This dude promotes the music we compose here, along with the dates and places where we will make plays or whatever.

He looks up at Sebastian and the other looks down at him, he is not precisely scowling but you wouldn't say he looks happy either.

\- Pedro says that, every week, he gathers everyone's new music and then leaves the cds in one of the hidden passages for him. The next day, those are gone and the songs are playing on the radio.

Xavier's gaze falls to his own lap and Sebastian slides down from the wall, sitting behind Bertrand, allowing the latter to rest against him and mumbling something intelligible at his ear. Vincent, at the opposite side of the circle, looks away as if he would have been slapped on the face.

\- And nobody ever just stayed over night there and see if he shows up to pick the cds up? – Thomas immediately senses that he just made the wrong question by the huff and laugh that comes from behind Guy-Man.

Xavier stands in a silent but furious rush, face red as if a fire would've been ignited on his insides, and walks away towards the trap door that will take him out of the roof.

\- Only one person tried, but of course it was a fail! - Gaspard shouts the last words and Xavier literally snarls before going away. It's the first thing he says and the dismissive tone of his voice makes it clear that he thinks the whole matter is stupid, if not infuriating.

\- You're such a jerk. - Sebastian grumbles, while staring down and shaking his head.

Gaspard raises his head and his sunglasses slide a little down his nose. This is perfect to see how his eyes are glued to Sebastian while he raises an eyebrow, the latter looks back at him with a gaze that could make Thomas shiver if it would be directed towards him. The daring stares competition may have lasted longer if Gaspard's neck wouldn't have started aching from the uncomfortable position. Without a word, he rests his head back on the floor, adjusting his sunglasses and shrugging.

\- Will we listen the radio show tonight? - Guy-Man asks after a while.

\- Sure thing, we always do. - Chris smiles, trying to banish away the awkward situation. - The entire neighborhood does.

 

 

At 8:40pm they are all gathered again at the Auditorium. Xavier is sitting on a couch far away, messing around with his guitar and looking still upset enough that no one dares to go talk with him.

It would be a lie to say that Guy-Man and Thomas haven't heard him screaming at Gaspard just two hours ago, while locked in their room. To be completely honest, hearing them arguing was somehow amusing. Their agressive personalities were the complete opposite to what you would see when they were out with other people. Gaspard screams loud enough to make his presence the most dominant while Xavier is, for a lack of a more accurate word, a complete bitch. But it's somehow annoying and now understandable why nobody knows what they are arguing about, because, despite of sounding as if they wouldn't be thinking through what they say, they use highly messured phrases and calculated words. It's almost like they would have invented their own language and codes, and whenever you feel like you understand what the whole matter goes about, they seem to change the subject and keep on screaming over random things.

\- How come we haven't heard the show before? - Thomas is asking to Sebastian.

He shrugs while lighting a cigarette.

\- Some days he’s at the radio, some others he is not.

\- You know? I'm starting to think it could be a she. - Bertrand comments, leaned against a couch, practically sprawled on the floor. - All of these years we thought it was a man because it sounds like one, but it's possible that they have a computer programme that can alterate the voice of a woman to sound like a man's.

Pedro is laying on said couch and his long limbs fall to a side. He pouts while thinking in Bertrand's theory.

\- It could be. – It’s all he says, and then he turns around to be face down and about to fall asleep.

Thomas is half smiling from the armchair, Guy-man is sitting on his lap as if he wouldn't have any other place to sit on and Chris squints a little, pointing at them.

\- You two are together, oui?

\- What do you mean? – Thomas’ first reaction is to be defensive, but he exhales a long breath to calm himself.

Pedro opens a discrete, curious eye. Everybody is paying attention now. Bertrand and Thibaut are fairly silent, Gaspard is staring at Xavier with a blank stare but somehow he still looks mad. Sebastian on the other hand, has his eyes on the ceiling but it doesn't mean he's not listening.

\- You know. - Vincent tries to gesture with his hands - Like... _Together_ together.

\- Yeah, we are. – Guy-Manuel's answer is so relaxed, it doesn't sound like they've been hiding it for years.

\- Does he always start at nine? - Thibaut cuts them, staring at the clock above Chris' head. Five minutes to nine. His gaze travels down the wall and Christopher is nodding and turning on the radio. 

\- It could be a she! - Bertrand insists.

Gaspard sighs.

\- Who cares?

Soon, there's a large amount of people, including Xavier who is drinking from a little bottle of beer, sitting on the floor and the couches nearby, all close to the radio.

It looks like this is some "family" ritual they have, despite of not being all the people who lives on the theatre right here.

After Gaspard annoying Xavier and making him go away that afternoon, the guys explained to Thomas and Guy-Man that most of the rooms have their own radio (being the one on their own room above the closet, which is why they haven't seen it), so lots of the people who aren't here right now, are probably somewhere else, also waiting for the radio show to begin.

And speaking of which...

\- Hello... - A low voice greets the audience. - How are you today? Are you ok? Are you moody?

Xavier takes a swig from his bottle.

\- Are you happy? Are you... New, by any chance? 'Cause I've heard we have some new boys. I'm sure you've been feeling like there's no place in the world for you before coming here... - He makes a pause.

Gaspard is staring at Xavier again, but now he's down right frowning.

\- Don't worry, we'll take good care of you.

Pedro smiles at no one in particular.

\- This is a place for us, whose souls are drifting and lonely. Us, the ones with a gift, the ones who can turn whatever it is in our hands in art. Us... The secluded.

Sebastian stares at the radio, his expression unreadable.

\- Us, the rejected ones.

Bertrand sighs, and somewhere against a wall Gaspard does the same.

\- And, in here, we are a family.

Some of the people are nodding their heads in agreement. Guy-Manuel is smiling and Thomas has his eyes glued to his lips.

\- So... Welcome to The shelter.


	4. I'm sorry

Guy-Man wakes up in the middle of the night. He's not sure what took him out of his dream but his eyes are wide open and he's a little lost. Blinking a few times to adjust to the dark, he feels Thomas’ quiet and warm breath against his nape. A smile reaches his lips.

It's kind of foolish, but still, the memories of what they did before going to sleep are making him blush slightly. Especially because of how Thomas felt inside of him, how their chests brushed against each other with every thrust, how he held him so close and stared at him, his eyes almost completely black, a whole in his iris full of lust, love, of a need that consumed them both. Guy-Man loved the way Thomas would bite his lip when getting close to his climax, how the sweat would create lines on his skin, drop by drop, a masterpiece of paths he would be pleased to retrace with his fingers if he wouldn't be so lost in the moment. He particularly adores how the muscles of his belly contract due to the intensity of his release, eyes helplessly closed and clenching teeth. Thomas is not only a perfect view when making love to him, he is part of Guy-Man, he is their synchrony, basic instincts, whispers that are only for the sake of their sanity, he is the reason of Guy-Manuel's trust, there in his everyday actions and the way he makes him feel in bed.

The invisible tie, holding them together, it's all around them, so tangled and tight that it would be impossible to unravel it. In the place where they are one, it's comfortable and safe, everything makes sense, no reasons to leave or back away. This has been confirmed by what it means to be here right now, away from their families and friends, from a different life where hidding was their primal need, instead of just **be**.

He wants to stay here, but he's too awake and if he starts moving around he'll end up annoying the other. So he slowly lifts Thomas's arm from around his waist and stands up. He gets dressed being as quiet as possible and takes his key to walk out the room, but not without getting closer to Thomas and kissing his forehead, soft and brief.

He wants to have a smoke while watching the stars, but he's too lazy to go down two floors, plus the roof is the best option for said activity.

The lights in the hallways are dimmed, the presence of silence is reflected on the way his steps can be heard echoing, bouncing against walls and corners. Though, the theatre is awake, that's for sure. It's taking care of every lost soul on its inside. This place never sleeps, not even when abandoned. It will always find new people to inspire and protect, it is its function, it will always be.

He is climbing the ladder and about to open the trapdoor to the roof when he hears someone talking. That really shouldn't be a problem, but his hand is paralyzed when another person audibly stifles a sob.

\- Xavier, calm down. - That's definitely Sebastian's voice.

\- No, I don't want to!

Guy-Manuel knows all too well he shouldn't be listening, but then again, he can't help himself.

\- Can you believe thi-this asshole? I mean... - Sob - Really... - Stifled sob - D-do I look like a kid to you? How fucking dare him calling me immature? Who the fuck is he t-to...

\- Can you please breathe 

\- I can't! Ok?!

Sebastian sighs exasperated.

\- Listen. No! Shut up and listen! - Guy-Man bites his lip, trying to picture them standing one in front of the other, Sebastian trying to smother Xavier's breakdown. - We both know Gaspard is fucked up... But we also know why. - Xavier keeps on breathing heavily and it's so loud. - And you have to accept that you're not the vivid image of tolerance.

\- Oh! FUCK THAT! - Xavier screams and then starts crying again, babbling hysterically. - He's the one who never-never even tries to understand me! And I-I-I... – He takes a deep breath. – I have to be the one that comprehends him?! NO! FUCK IT! FUCK YOU.

\- Stop cursing and stop screaming. You'll wake up the whole building.

Sebastian's tone has completely changed. He's calm and Guy knows why. This is something he used to do with his little brother, Paul, when he was throwing a tantrum. Calming himself despite of wanting to punch him, to reassure the other, who needs to be held back.

Xavier is silent, probably breathing in and out deeply.

\- I'm sorry.

\- It's ok... But you need to remember that this is what he wants. He wants to make you mad, and the only way you're being childish is when you let him... So don’t.

\- I don't understand why he hates me so much. - Xavier whispers, he sounds so broken Guy-Manuel wants to hug him.

\- He doesn't... - Sebastian's voice gets carried by the wind. - You need to go to sleep. Don't you have work in like two hours?

\- Yeah...

\- Then go. Come on.Take a nap, everything will be ok.

Guy-Man curses under his breath and practically jumps down the ladder. He walks a few feet away from it and, when the trapdoor opens, he pretends he was just walking towards it. 

\- Oh! Hi! - He says as casual as he can.

Xavier turns around when he reaches the floor. His eyes are red and puffy and he wipes a tear from his cheek when he notices Guy-Man.

\- Are you ok? - Guy feels like shit for pretending he wasn't eavesdropping but he senses that it could be worse to admit he was.

Xavier smiles faintly at him.

\- Yeah, I just need to sleep... - He walks past Guy. - Good night.

\- Good night.

He stares at Xavier's back and sighs.

 

\- I told you to go to bed, Xavier.

Sebastian is leaned against the wall at the verge of the roof. His arms crossed over the top, up to his waist. His back turned to Guy-Man when he steps closer.

\- I'm not Xavier. - He says, imitating him and resting his wrist above the wall by his side. With the other hand he lights his cigarette.

\- Oh... - Sebastian looks at him. - Couldn't sleep? - He motions with his hand and Guy-Man gives him his pack of cigarettes.

\- I was, actually. I don't know what woke me up.

Sebastian's face appears more clearly in the dark for a second, the fire of the lighter tints his factions with an orange glow. Is warm, too warm for how cold he seems to be, but he's not melting.

\- What about you? - Guy blows smoke towards the sky.

\- I work overnight, two weeks of each month. The other two, I work from 5am to 12pm, but I can never get used to sleep at these hours.

\- I thought you worked at the coffee shop. Didn't know it opens at night.

\- It doesn't. It's also a bakery. The night workers stay up until 6am to cook all the things we sale in the morning. You know... Cookies, bread and... Stuff.

Guy-Man doesn't answer but he nods while taking a drag. There's a long silence then, not uncomfortable but thoughtful.

\- You still have no job, right? - Sebastian squints at the street. - Like two days ago, Adriane told me she needed a waiter. I think... For the morning hours. Maybe I can tell her you're interested?

\- Really? - Guy-Manuel beams openly. - That would be amazing.

Sebastian almost looks as if he would want to smile back.

\- It's almost 4am... - He stares at his watch, nodding. - I have work in about an hour, if you're not planning to go back to sleep we can go and talk with her.

\- Sure! Thank you so much.

\- No problem.

Silence again. Both light another cigarette.

\- Can I be honest with you? - Sebastian hums. - I thought... - Guy-Man trails off trying to find the words he's looking for, he doesn't want to be rude. - I thought you were different.

\- Different how?

\- I don't know... I-I didn't mean to pry on things that are none of my business, but... I heard you talking with Xavier just now and...

\- Oh...

\- I’m sorry.

Sebastian sighs.

\- You thought I was indifferent to people's problems.

Guy-Man doesn't know, but he can swear the other looks sad.

\- I could say the same thing about you. - Sebastian adds after a while.

It's true, most people say the same about him and sometimes it's annoying. He feels like a hypocrite, he always said he would think twice before labeling someone else the same way people tends to label him.

\- I’m sorry. You’re right.

\- Stop apologizing. - Sebastian shoves him with his shoulder and actually smiles, it's brief and it vanishes away really quickly, but it's the first time he does it in Guy's presence, not really staring at him but rather lost in the stars. - I like you, you know? - Guy-man raises his eyebrows. - We are alike.

 

 

The coffee shop is spacious, the decoration has an 80's touch that makes you feel like you should be dressing differently to fit in. There are two rows of tables with chairs in the middle of the place and then five more tables against the windows, each has a pair of big, black leather, booth seating. The lights are still on, due to the fact that it's so late it's already early. The sun hasn't raised yet, but Guy-Man can picture how its light must come in through every window. The morning workers are drinking coffee with the kitchen staff, all with the same sleepy faces.

Adriane is the owner, she's about seventy years old and she treats all of his employees as if they would be her grandchildren. Suffice is to say that when Xavier rushes in, 20 minutes late, rather than being mad, she's smiles at him and asks if he feels ok or needs to go back to sleep.

\- This is our new employee, Guy-Man. I think you two already know each other. - She says and Xavier nods. - Good. Then, would you please help him around?

\- Sure thing.

\- Thank you. You sure you're ok? - She combs Xavier's hair with a frown. - Your eyes look a bit puffy. Have you been crying?

\- I'm ok, I swear. Don't worry. - Adriane pouts at him and he flashes his best smile in a futile try.

She's not convinced but leaves him alone. Sebastian pats Guy-Man on the back and walks towards the kitchen.

\- Ok! - Xavier says rubbing his hands. - Let's show you what you have to do.

Above the long counter there's the cash register and a couple of plates with fresh made madeleines and brioches. On the wall behind it, there's a serving hatch that connects with the kitchen and shelves full of different pastries and baguettes. Everything smells delicious and mouthwatering. Xavier pours a cup of coffe for each of them along with a few croissants. As they sit on the stalls behind the counter, having breakfast, he explains to him what he'll have to do. Apparently there's not too much people staying to have coffee until around 7am or so.

\- Most of the people who comes by at this hour just wants to buy something and go back home or head to work. When you're not serving the tables, you'll be helping me behind the counter. - Xavier takes a sip of his coffee and grimaces. - Too bitter. - He reaches down the counter and takes the sugar from a shelve. - I'll explain you how to use the coffee machine as we go along. You start working today, oui?

Guy-Man nods as he eats a croissant and melts because it's still warm and he thinks he never ate something so perfect in his life. Xavier looks up at the clock, it's already 6am.

\- There's only one person who comes by this early everyday and actually stays to take a cup of coffee before heading to... - The door opens and they both turn their heads.

Gaspard is walking towards the counter. Xavier lowers his head and sighs, standing behind the cash register to take his order. When they are face to face with the bar in between them, the atmosphere is odd, uncomfortable but mostly tense. 

\- The usual? - Xavier asks with a monotone voice.

Gaspard only nods and hands him the money.

\- I'll take it to your table in a minute.

Gaspard walks away and sits at the table against the window that's facing the cash register.

\- Sometimes I think he just sits there to annoy me. - Xavier mumbles while making a capuchino.

Sebastian pokes out his head from the serving hatch.

\- Is he already here?

\- Yeah...

\- Good. I already have his rusks done.

He passes the plate to Xavier, who takes it almost mechanically, not even turning around but rather extending his arm towards it while he's still focused on making the capuchino.

He places everything on a tray.

\- Don't worry, I'll take it to him. - He says when he sees Guy-Manuel about to stand to start doing his job. - I'm already used to do it, he didn't get along with the former waiter. Finish your breakfast before getting to work.

He walks around the counter and takes the tray reluctantly. Guy-Man sips at his coffee with his eyes over him. While Xavier leaves everything at Gaspard's table, the latter keeps his gaze on his face. His expression is not altogether blank but Guy is not sure if he is mad, sleepy or what exactly is the emotion reflected on his factions.

\- Stop doing that. - Xavier mumbles. Low enough that Guy-man can't hear him but can read it on his lips.

\- I can't look at you? - Gaspard raises an eyebrow.

The other's mouth becomes a tight line when their eyes meet. It lasts less than a second and you can see how Xavier's hand closes in a fist above the table.

\- No, you can't. - He answers before turning around and coming back to sit next to Guy-Man.

The face Gaspard makes this time is perfectly readable.

 

 

 

\- I saw the note you left at the desk. I assume you got the job. - Thomas says when Guy-Man walks into their room at 12pm.

\- Yep.

\- That's so great! - Thomas practically jumps over him. Hugging Guy-Man and kissing him on the lips. - Now I just need to find a place to work and we'll be doing just fine.

 

 

 

\- Hello. - The radio man says. His voice deep and serious.

They are all sitting at the tables on the first floor's kitchen and they fall silent when he starts talking.

\- Today I have something a little different for you before starting the show.

Thibaut raises an eyebrow at the radio. Thomas and Bertrand look at each other with curious faces.

\- Someone handed me a note and I assume they want me to read it.

\- That's odd. - Chris mumbles towards Xavier who simply shrugs.

\- It says... – He makes a pause. - "I'm sorry I'm afraid of talking with you. I'm sorry I can't kiss you in the morning. I'm sorry that I can't just hug you and tell you that I understand."

Gaspard shakes his head at Xavier's dreamy face and looks out the window.

\- "I'm sorry that my hands are not soft like yours. I'm sorry because I'm distant. I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be."

Sebastian stares at Vincent at the corner of his eye for a fraction of a second.

\- "I'm a mess. But I'm your mess, I swear, and I'm sorry."


	5. Never asked you to change

\- This is a song that one of our new boys made with Christopher... You all know Chris, right? The one whose smile shines brighter than the sun? - The radio man sounds amused.

Christopher looks down, flattered.

\- I'm already in love with this new duo. They surely made good use of our instruments and synthesizers. Sadly, though, our new boy is a little shy and won't add his name on the cd I've been handed. I've been requested to call him Breakbot. - The radio man adds. - I'm sure we’ll be glad to know who you are one of these days, but I respect the anonymity for obvious reasons.

Thomas, Chris, Vincent and Thibaut are gathered in one of the backstage rooms. Most of the instruments and synthesizers are here. They call this The studio area. Everybody is allowed to use the instruments as they please and Thomas is thankful for that. Most of his things have been left behind and he was horrified at the thought of not being able to keep on making music with Guy.

\- For your delight and mine, here on The shelter radio, will sound the single 'Baby I'm yours'.

The song starts and as it goes along all of them start nodding their heads.

\- God, this is good! - Thomas exclaims.

\- Great job, kid. - Vincent pats Thibaut on the shoulder and the latter blushes, covering his face with his messy hair while he scrutinises some old vinyls.

Of course they know that he's the one who composed the song, but still he would like it to be their secret, at least, until he gathers enough courage to tell everyone.

 

 

On the corner of the block, the cafeteria is full of people dancing close to the radio.

Sebastian works overnight this week, he's kneading bread dough and Guy-Man is sitting on the kitchen counter by his side.

\- Who in this world would come to the place they work when they don't have to? - One of the cooks is asking.

He shrugs.

\- I just like to hang out with Sebos.

The corner of Sebastian's lips curls upwards.

\- Tell me something. - Guy whispers when the clock hits 11pm and the kitchen staff goes out for a break. - What's so wrong about Gaspard calling Xavier childish?

\- It's been bugging you since the other night, hasn't it? - Sebastian shakes his head. - Do you know how old he is?

Guy-Man frowns.

\- Xavier? – He stares at the ceiling - Twenty-something? - Sebastian raises his eyebrows at him. - Younger? Older? What?

\- He is 18.

\- No way!!

\- He's probably the youngest of us all. - He bites his lower lip. - Gaspard, on the other hand, is 21 years old, like you. Xavier can be really immature sometimes, it's something natural at his age, but Gaspard likes to bug him whenever he has the chance. That's... One of the reasons why Xavier gets mad at him. When he first arrived to The shelter he was 16. Pedro didn't allow him to work until last year. We've overprotected him for too long.

\- He feels like _everybody_ treats him like a child. - Guy-Man thinks out loud.

Sebos nods.

\- To be fair with Gaspard, he... - Sebastian leans against the counter, trying to come out with the correct words. - We both have the same problem, we just deal with it in different ways. He's not a bad guy, I know him very well. What he needs... Is time.

\- Time for what? - Guy doesn't really need to ask, but he does anyways.

\- To understand himself.

 

 

 

\- It's almost 1am. - The voice from the radio says.

Xavier sits alone on his bed. Head down, forehead resting on his bent knees and his thighs pressed hard against his chest. Gaspard's shift at work will end anytime soon, he should go to sleep before he arrives.

\- But before the show ends, I have a new letter, from a different person this time, and I believe it's an answer to the first one. - He sounds pleased. Maybe he's even smiling. - I would be really happy if this trend keeps on going. Send me your letters, yeah? Hand them to our good friend, Pedro, he knows what to do.

At the studio area, they are waiting for the show to finish so they can walk out and go to bed. Thomas is sitting on the floor with three keyboards around him. Vincent lies by his side, he's doing nothing but he's staring at the roof so intensely Thomas could swear he's trying to dig a hole in it. At the other side of the room, Chris is holding Thibaut's hand as if it would be nothing, the latter's face looks like he's about to explode.

\- The letter says... - The radio man makes a pause like the first time.

Xavier sighs and stares out the window. He wants to imagine how he looks like. Is his hair short? Are his eyes green or brown? Is he tall? Is he re-reading the letter right now? Where is he? Is he sitting in front of the microphone? Is he walking around while holding it on his hands?

\- "It's okay. Don't be afraid."

Sebastian and Guy-Manuel are silent as the radio man talks, both drinking a coffee at one of the tables in the middle of the cafeteria.

\- "I understand too... That's why I don't care when you're distant. You are who I want you to be, whoever that might be." - Somewhere in the building, the radio man worries at his lip. - "I never asked you to change. I just wish I wasn't so jealous of all the people who have your attention, who have won your trust, who you touch like I want you to touch me, as brief and friendly as it is."

 

 

 

Gaspard walks inside his bedroom. His leather jacket is on the floor. He thought he had lost it.

Xavier is sleeping face down, his sheets are tangled on his legs. This kid moves too much in bed... Mostly when he has a stressfull day. He shakes his head, standing next to the boy with the jacket on his hands. His hair is a black mess, his soft lips are parted and one of his arms dangles off of the bed.

He hates him so much.

Gaspard stares at the radio, then at Xavier, then back at the radio and sighs.

 

 

 

\- I've got a job! - Thomas exclaims.

Guy-Man sits next to Vincent at the verge of the scenario. At Thomas' shout, he stops playing the bass.

\- Really?

His friend had ran and jumped at the stage, climbing until he was next to him by the time he formulated his question.

\- Yes!! At the comic store a few blocks away! I'll work from 7am to 12pm.

\- I didn't know there was a comic store near by. - Vincent says. - Is it new?

\- Yes! It just opened!! - Thomas is sitting but somehow manages to jump up and down, full of energy, and Guy-Man smiles.

\- Well done. - He says and leans close, kissing his cheek.

Things should go smoothly from now on.

 

 

 

Xavier is frowning in front of the cash register when Guy-Man walks in at 5am.

\- Is something wrong?

Xavier shakes his head, still frowning.

\- Don't mind him. It's just that he woke up with a leather jacket protecting him from the cold. - Sebastian answers from the other side of the serving hatch. He's smiling from ear to ear as if it would be his birthday.

Xavier throws him a napkin.


	6. Inflame

Gaspard doesn't necessarily need to come everyday at 6am. When he works in the mornings, then it makes sense, but this week he works at night. So why would he wake up this early and come by when he could keep on sleeping?  
This is what Guy-Man asks himself when he sees Gaspard through one of the windows, walking towards the cafeteria, exactly at the same hour as always.  
Xavier is still frowning at nothing in particular until the door opens. Guy-Man can see the flashes of ambivalent emotions on his face at Gaspard’s presence. With the corner of his eye he can see that Sebastian is watching through the serving hatch.  
The morning sun illuminates the whole place, it tangles in Gaspard's hair with orange and gold, shines in Xavier's eyes and Guy's remaining coffee.  
Xavier looks puzzled, his voice perhaps weak when he asks if Gaspard wants the usual.  
When the taller man sits at his table, Sebastian is already poking his hand out of the serving hatch with the plate full of rusks. Guy-Man takes it and places it on the tray. In the meantime, Xavier is a little lost when the time comes to take the mug and prepare the cappuccino. He moves around searching for the cinnamon that goes unnoticed right in front of his eyes.

\- Do you need help? - Guy whispers.

Xavier mumbles a series of "No no" and "I just need...", without taking his eyes away from what he's doing.  
When everything is ready, he takes the tray and walks towards the table with his thoughts all over the place, moving almost by inertia.  
Sebastian stands now by Guy's side. Both are shamelessly staring at the mismatched duo for the sake of knowing what’s gonna happen next.

\- It's always the same. - Sebastian mumbles near Guy-Manuel’s ear. - Xavier doesn't make eye contact while leaving everything at his table. - He casually serves more coffee on Guy's cup, to hide the reason of their proximity. - Gaspard stares right at his face the whole time.

All of this proves to be true right away, but then, they both become witnesses of a new born moment, a moment that will want to live forever, repeated a thousand times like the actions Sebastian mentioned.  
Xavier raises his head and smiles, shy but sincere. Gaspard remains quiet as always, but not by choice.  
He's not just startled by the terse gesture, he is at a loss for words.

 

 

Thomas walks inside their room to find himself in front of the most beautiful view. Guy is taking a nap, only wearing his jeans, resting with an arm covering his eyes, chest moving slightly up and down in time with his breathing. His mouth is barely open, his soft lips so, so kissable.  
He walks towards the bed and sits beside him, careful not to wake him. Guy-Manuel’s hair is fanned out below him, every lock turning into a curl at its tip. The sunlight that creeps through the window falls over his body like a blanket of warm protection. Close to one of his nipples, a hickey stands out proudly, and the mere memory of how it was made tickles in Thomas' own lips.  
Guy moves in his sleep, his arm falls away from his eyes as he rolls on its side.  
All the muses that have dared to put a foot on Earth would be ashamed of their lack of beauty if they were compared with the angel that is sound asleep under Thomas' gaze.  
He barely touches Guy's upper arm with his fingertips, traveling down to his elbow with the lightest touch. A feather would have been more intrusive than him, but Guy-Manuel opens his eyes anyway. Thomas leans to kiss his shoulder.

\- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. - He whispers, breathing against his skin.

Guy rolls on his back and extends his arms towards him, eyes closed again. That's an invitation that Thomas can't and will never deny, so he kicks his shoes off and lies down with his head against his chest. The beating of Guy’s heart a lullaby.

He would fall asleep, _would_ , but then Guy-Man decides to make a strange request.

\- Take off your socks.

\- ... Why?

\- 'Cause I want to make love to you, and there's nothing more ridiculous than doing it with your socks on.

Thomas chuckles at that, lifting his head just in time to see the other with his eyes barely open and a half smile.

Only five minutes later, no one would have believed that Guy-Man was a sleepy angel a moment ago. He wakes up horny more often than not, Thomas, on the other hand, always needs a little more.  
That's why Guy has him resting on his back, kissing his way down his belly, biting the flesh near his navel. Thomas pants are long gone and Guy-Man's fly is open.  
Guy-Manuel's hand travels down his thighs. His lips pressed against Thomas' groin, hot breath warming the fabric of his boxer briefs.  
They undress slowly, every new revealed patch of skin kissed and bitten.  
Thomas is lost in the way their bodies move against each other. Everything has its perfect rhythm when it comes to make love for them. Every bite, every kiss, every stare has its precise moment. That is, always, until he's inside of Guy, starting to lose control and, most of all, losing himself. He becomes part of Guy-Man, part of something that is too deep and personal, he's no longer Thomas, he's the reason of every moan and puff of breath coming from Guy's lips.

Now he’s sitting with his back on a pillow against the wall, Guy-Man straddling his lap. Cold lube coating his cock, a gentle hand squeezing and moving up and down, sending shivers down his spine.  
Thomas is mesmerized by Guy-Man's eyes, pupils expanding until his irises are nothing but a thin ring of sky around them. Guy raises up on his knees, positioning Thomas' head against his entrance and going down gently. Inch by inch disappearing inside of him.  
His foreheads are pressed hard one against the other while they both frown, closing their eyes hard due to the intensity of it all, letting out a long breath as Thomas buries deep.  
It's so calm, so silky, not even the bed dares to make a sound. Thomas raises his hands, tangles his fingers in Guy's hair. The latter kisses him, bites his lip, opens his mouth to lick and suck.  
Guy-Manuel starts moving up and down, back and forth. His nails digging in Thomas' skin, fingers unwittingly flexing, relaxing and flexing again along with his pace.  
A breathless moan runs through the air when Guy shifts a little and the angle makes Thomas’ head press hard against his sweet spot.  
He goes faster, deeper, making Thomas shiver and groan, losing his mind. He holds Guy-Manuel's hips and rests his left cheek against his shoulder. He wants to scream his name, wants to bite his neck.  
The heat starts burning in his belly. Thomas silently pleas for it to never end. His arms curl around Guy's form, holding him as close as he can. They kiss as if this would be the last time, as if everything around them would be trembling, cracking and falling down.  
Guy's cock is trapped between them, staining Thomas with pre-cum. Guy-Manuel whispers in Thomas' ear a series of lost words, unintelligible phrases and a continuous _yes, yes, please_.  
The world gets reduced to this and only this. They can no longer contain or think rationally. It gets so intense it's almost unbearable.  
Guy cries out, cumming hard. He hugs Thomas with all his strenght, curling his toes and hiding his face on his neck. Thomas opens his eyes wide, Guy's inner muscles contract around him with every wave of pleasure as he rides his orgasm, it triggers his release so forcefully that the air rushes out of his lungs and his hands start shaking.

Everything stops. Thomas rests the back of his head against the wall. They breathe heavily, staring at each other. Cheeks flushed and sweat falling in heavy drops down their backs.

\- I... - Thomas swallows hard with his throat dry. - You are so... So perfect.

Guy-Manuel sighs and lets himself fall over him again, a smile on his lips while he rests with his nose against Thomas’ collar bone. The latter caresses his nape, closing his eyes as they both work in getting their composure back. The sticky mess Guy made between them is a reminder that they should take a shower. But, for now, it's ok to just wait until the world reappears around them.

 

 

\- I want to say something. - The radio man walks around with the microphone on his hands, the long wire attached to it following his steps. - Hiding seems to be what we've found as the best way of surviving.

The auditorium is full. Everybody remains in complete silence.

\- We all have different ways of doing it. Some people prefer the anonimity, some people frown at the world, some people lie... Not only to the ones around them, but to themselves as well.

Sebastian frowns and lights a cigarette.

\- Some people... - He sighs. - Some people just remain silent.

Thibaut tightens his grip on Chris' hand.

\- But hiding is also a burn, a flame that damages the flesh until we are no longer recognizable. I wish I could stop doing it. I wish we could all stop.

Pedro stares at Xavier, the latter worries at his lip with his eyes glued to the front door. Thomas lies with his head on Guy's lap. Guy-Man looks down at him with a thoughtful frown.

\- It's unhealthy. A living hell.

Sebastian closes a hand in a tight fist.

\- I understand why you can't stare at the most important person in the world to you and say 'I love you'. I understand why you can't tell your parents that you don't want to be who they want you to be. I understand. - He sits down at his desk and sets the microphone in front of him. - But I believe there has to be a time for you to be brave.

He makes a pause. Sebastian wishes with all his heart Vincent wouldn't be working at night this week.

\- I know I can't... But I know **you** can.

The radio man presses a button and a song starts playing. Then he crosses his arms over the desk and buries his face between them.


	7. Run away

The last notes of a quiet song play on the radio. The man in his little room, moves around to find a paper.

\- Before today's programme comes to its end. - His voice sounds different than usual. It's been gloomy, mournful, since he first talked at the beginning of the show. - I've been handed a new letter.

Vincent walks into the auditorium and Sebastian looks three times more pale than usual. Guy-Man mumbles something at Thomas' ear.

\- I feel like I’m being the intermediary between two people in love who don't dare to speak face to face. - The radio man lights a cigarette. – This simply says... "If I tell you that I'm in love with you, would you run away?"

 

Xavier dreams about someone with long hair drinking and screaming, and wakes up wanting to throw up. He jumps out of his bed and runs towards the trash can.  
The sounds he makes while gagging have Gaspard turning around on his bed with a grunt.

\- Very nice.

\- Shut up. - Tears fall down his cheeks as he sits down on the floor, sweaty and agitated. He buries his hands on his hair with his head between his knees. A deep sense of terror overwhelms him, he’s scared as though he would be fearing for his life.

Gaspard sighs and stands up.

\- Come on. - He offers a hand to Xavier who stares at him startled, breathing brokenly.

It's not only that they barely touch or do nice things for one another. Gaspard looks actually sympathetic and that's something completely new. He helps Xavier and takes the trash bag out of its place, closing it. He opens the window and leaves it outside on the balcony to throw it away tomorrow morning.

Xavier is in the middle of a panic attack and he keeps on crying and tugging at his t-shirt up to his chest.

\- Calm down. Ok?

Xavier tries to take a deep breath in but gets cut in the middle with a sob. His fingers are numb.

\- Go to the bathroom. - Gaspard commands. - Brush your teeth and then go up to the roof for some fresh air.

The teenager nods but he feels like a child. His heart pounds so hard it hurts. He's mad and he wants to cry even harder. It's worse because he's doing this in front of Gaspard, which has come to be his biggest enemy somehow. His ego is being destroyed and the image that he built to be a worthy opponent, falls down as the lie that it is.

 

A few nights later, Sebastian sits alone at the verge of the scenario. It's too late for people to be around and the silence in the auditorium is unreal. That's why the sound of steps getting closer to him resonate on the walls, bouncing until it reaches his ears.

\- What are you doing here this late? - Vincent asks when he recognizes him from the back.

\- I could ask you the same thing.

Vincent tightens his grip over the cds on his hands. The quietness around them makes perfect contrast with how they feel. He is so tense, he wants to say something, but here, with his back turned on him, is the only man in the world who manages to shut him up with his mere presence.

\- The answer is no, by the way. - Sebastian stands up. Vincent holds his breath when he gets closer, invading his personal space. - I wouldn't run away.

The cds fall to the floor. Vincent kisses him with an arm around his waist, smiling and laughing against thin lips that taste like smoke and coffee.

 

\- It was you! - Guy-man yells. Pointing at Sebastian with an accusing finger.

The latter shushes him.

\- Stop screaming, I don't want the whole neighborhood to know.

\- And he kissed you!

\- I said stop! God. - He takes a drag, his hand clouding his face but incapable of hiding his smile.

It's a fairly decent afternoon and they are both sitting on the balcony out of Guy's room, cigarettes in hand and backs against the wall.

\- I have to admit I had a feeling. - Guy blows smoke up to the sky. - So are you dating now or... ?

Sebastian opens his mouth to answer when they both jump out of surprise to the sound of Xavier coming into his room while screaming.

\- You are a complete asshole!

They stare at each other, frowning.

\- Oh, _I_ am the asshole? - Gaspard sounds as if he would be about to punch somebody in the face. - Really, Xavier?

\- Why do you always have to be like this? What the hell did I do that you hate me so much?

Gaspard holds his tongue abruptly. Sebastian sighs as both, Guy and him, fight the urge of staring through their window.

\- Well? - Xavier waits for an answer that never comes. - Are you... Can you please say something? Can you, at least, tell me if I'm right or not? 'Cause if you hate me so much I can ask Pedro to put me in another room and our problem is solved.

\- Shut up. - Gaspard mumbles.

\- Excuse me?

\- I said shut the fuck up!

\- No, I don’t want to! - Xavier throws something to the floor and it crushes into pieces. - I'm tired of you saying something insulting and then wanting to drop the subject like nothing would have happened. I want an answer now. What is it that I always do, that makes you so mad?

Silence. Sebastian dares to lean and glance through the window for a second. Gaspard stands with his back to the closed door, staring at Xavier with a puzzled look. The other is no less than four feet away from him, his fists closed tight and almost shaking.

\- Why do you keep on pushing me away? Isn't this...? - Xavier stares down, shoulders rigid. For a moment Gaspard looks as if he would be about to apologize, but then... - Isn't this too unhealthy already? Isn't this a living hell for you? 'Cause it is for me.

Gaspard's face switches from remorseful to disgruntled at the speed of light.

\- Unhealthy... A living hell. - He repeats, spitting the words like acid. - That asshole's speeches really affect you, uh?

He turns around and opens the door in a rush, his knuckles white as he holds it open.

\- If you are such a lovesick kid, why don't you keep on searching for him? - He turns his head but doesn't really stare at Xavier, his face occulted by his long curls. - He can't hide up in the building forever.

He walks out and slams the door. Xavier kicks a remaining piece of whatever it is that he crushed on the floor, it hits a wall and he falls on his bed, face down. He screams out of frustration against his pillow.

Sebastian and Guy-Man can already predict how the mood will be at work tomorrow morning.


	8. Reasons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to ShallNeverSurrender who had the great idea of the truth and dare game! You should go read her stories!

Thomas is placing the radio on his desk. Finally he remembered about the old thing being above their closet. It’s heavy and it has a weird most smell, maybe it doesn't even work. He's trying to understand how to use it, when he hears someone knocking on the door.

\- Hey! - Christopher walks in and sits on the bed, taking off his shoes and rubbing the sole of his feet.

Vaguely, Thomas recalls that Chris works at a super market and has to be on his feet the entire day.  
His friend stares at the radio.

\- Need some help with that?

\- I can’t remember at which frequency the radio show airs.

\- Here, let me. - Chris leans towards it, pressing a buttom to put the radio on FM and adjusting the dial.

\- Thanks. - Thomas sits by his side. - So...

\- Oh yeah! I was here to invite you guys to a little... Thing we do every year.

 

 

This "thing" turns out to be a gathering that they like to do when a new person joins their group.

\- It's not some kind of initiation isn't it?

Guy-Man seems concerned while they walk down the hallways towards a room on the first floor.

\- No, no. - Thomas frowns while thinking. - It's like a sleepover or...

\- It's not a sleepover. - Gaspard interrupts him.

He passes by their side, smoking a cigarette and stops at the same door they are heading.

\- We are not ten years olds.

Thomas and Guy are surprised of seeing him here. It's been a week since he argued with Xavier, but they haven't talked or acknowledged each other's presence ever since.  
Sure enough, Xavier opens the door and his face goes from cheerful to completely grim when he sees him. He reluctantly moves to a side to let him in and then smiles faintly at them.  
While coming in, Thomas notices the nameplates on the door.

\- Chris, I thought you only shared your room with Thibaut.

\- I used to, but Vincent wanted to be in the same one than Sebos. - Christopher answers resting on the floor, beside a bed. - Pedro didn't have any room to relocate them that wouldn't be shared with other two people so... You know... Better with friends than anyone else.

Guy-Man chuckles at Sebastian who is looking out the window, his flush tinting his ears red.

They sit on the floor with their backs resting on the bed where Vincent and Bertrand are chatting about movies. Thibaut lays on the other one, face down, with his head near Chris'.

\- We are all here, then! - Xavier says, sitting as far from Gaspard as possible. – Here's the thing. We like to get together at someone's room every year whenever we have new friends in our group.

\- Basically, what we’d like is to hear your stories. - Vincent adds. He extendes his arms towards Sebastian silently asking him to sit on his lap, the latter raises an eyebrow and shakes his head. - Of course you don't have to tell us if you don't want to.

Sebos sits next to Xavier under the window frame and lights a cigarette with a frown.  
Thibaut is taken aback.

\- I don't think anyone is interested on my story.

\- Oh, yes we are! – Chris raises an arm from the floor and hits him playfully.

Thomas glances at Guy-Man with the corner of his eye. The latter feels it as if he would be reading his mind and shoots him a look that he knows all too well. Thomas can almost hear it inside his head: "Don't even think I'm going to talk for the both of us".  
Xavier half smiles at them.

\- I'll give you an example. - He says, asking Sebastian for a cigarette with a gesture of his hand. - I used to live not too far away from here. My dad is an alcoholic mother fucker who made my life impossible.

Gaspard stares down at the floor, biting his nails. He's so hunched over he looks as if he would want to turn himself into a giant ball of curls.

\- One day he got violent with me. - Xavier continous. – You see this scar? - He strokes the mark on his left cheek with a finger as if it would be nothing. - He made it.

Guy-Man's jaw hits the floor as he tries to imagine what kind of object you could use to hurt someone like that. The answer is as obvious as painful and ironic. Probably a bottle.

\- So you ran away? - Thibaut asks, putting the weight of his upper body on his elbows.

Xavier nods.

\- I couldn't bare it anymore. But I was only 16 and didn't know where to go. - He takes a drag, staring up at the ceiling with fondness. - Luckily, Pedro found me on a train station and brought me here.

\- It's not as uncommon as you think. - Bertrand says. - A lot of people here had some issue with their family.

\- Or doesn't have any family at all. - Chris adds, raising his hand in the air.

This comment sends them on a rush of questions and stories. In the middle of their conversation, Pedro comes in, apologizing for being late and bringing some beers. Xavier glances towards Gaspard's general direction while taking one, like an afterthought. Sebastian and Guy-Manuel share a look of complicity, it's more than sure that Guy will know what's happening there later.

\- Scandalmongers - Thomas whispers on Guy's ear.

For that, he earns a swat on the back of the arm where he's resting all of his weight. It's discreet but forceful enough that he almost falls on his back.

A few hours later will find them drunk and laughing at nothing at all. The radio show as a background sound.

\- Ok, ok. - Vincent is red and he squints at everybody as if he would need glasses. - Truth or dare? Bertrand!

\- Uh... Truth.

Gaspard shakes his head and mumbles something about actually being ten years olds. Guy-Man is tipsy enough that he laughs out loud even if he has him practically by his side.

\- What's your biggest pet peeve?

\- Having to draw hands! – Bertrand makes a face. - I'm so bad at it.

\- That's because he's never satisfied with anything! - Pedro says and he points at him. - You should see him when he writes the names for the doors. He spends like half an hour complaining about every individual nameplate. He’s a perfectionist bitch!

\- That remainds me of someone I know. - Sebastian tilts his head towards Xavier and the latter shows him the finger.

\- Here you have another one of those! - Guy-Manuel says and Thomas looks mock offended.

\- When did Sebos and you became a team? - Xavier complains.

\- Yeah, I'm not gonna tolerate this. - Thomas stands up, trying to keep a straight face but failing horribly when his clumsy feet almost send him straight to the floor. - I'm gonna lay here with Chris now. - He says as he does so, and he hugs Christopher who snuggles him while chuckling so hard his whole body trembles. - If you don't mind, of course. - Thomas adds, staring at Thibaut who has his eyes glossy.

\- Oh, please, be my guest.

\- Thibaut, truth or dare? - Bertrand says and the other looks determined for the first time.

\- Dare!

\- Kiss him. - Bertrand says pointing at Chris who opens his eyes wide.

Guy-Man raises his eyebrows. To be honest he never saw them kissing, even if everyone knows they are together. He always thought it was because of Thibaut's shyness, but right now the alcohol has made the unthinkable on him.

Shameless, Thibaut leans his head down the bed and kisses Chris chastely with no hesitation. The whole room explodes on cheers.

Thomas whines.

\- Why do I have to watch this on HD?

\- You are the one who chose being there. - Guy-Manuel shoots the answer. - You're in the front row. Deal with it!

Everything reduces to uncontrollable laughs again and when it dies down the voice of the radio man fills the room.

\- Pedro, truth or dare? - Thibaut says.

Pedro can see it coming but he answers anyway.

\- Truth.

\- Do you know who the radio man is?

Suddenly they are all quiet. Xavier stares at the floor so intensely he could ignite it in flames. Gaspard raises an eyebrow at him.

\- Sometimes I think I do. – Comes the reply.

 

 

Thomas is too drunk to fall asleep and too sleepy to have sex with Guy-Man. And the latter is practically snoring over him anyways.  
All the talking about their reasons to be in The shelter makes him think about his family and he realises he hasn't done that since they first came here. His mother is probably hysterical, and Guy-manuel's parents must be so mad they could kill them both.  
Thomas closes his eyes and he's back on his house, the night they ran away.

_His father sits reading the newspaper while his mother cooks and babbles about things nobody is listening to. The smell of the chocolate cake in the oven is too strong but the coffee Thomas is drinking is bitter enough._

Something made him mad. What was it?

_\- And that friend of yours who looks like a girl. - His mother says._

Oh, that was.

_\- I don't like him. - Of course his father would only open his mouth to criticize him. - That weirdo friend you have isn't good for you._

_He stands up. He wants to answer. He wants to scream because this is the hundredth time he hears this. But it has no use. Tomorrow night they'll be on a bus away from all of these. The backpack in his room is already full of clothes and all his money, well hidden from his parent's eyes. He only regrets not having a way of carrying with his vocoder and keyboard, but if his friend and this guy, Pedro, say the truth, he won't have to worry about that._

_Later that night, he's locked in his room and his phone rings. Guy-Man cries desperately about hearing his parents say they will send him away tomorrow morning. A boarding school, at the other side of Europe, a place where he won't be able to make art, compose music or see Thomas anymore._  
_No, no, no! That was supposed to happen in a few weeks, not tomorrow. Not when they are still here! This was the primary reason why they decided to start packing and now the clock is ticking non stop, the walls are falling over them and they are even more trapped than they thought._  
_His chest hurts, his eyes are full of tears, he's shaking from head to toe._  
_There is no choice, they have to run away tonight. They have to do it for the sake of being together, for the sake of their music and everything they fought for._


	9. Nothing/Everything

“ _I can look at you and smile_.” Thomas thinks. His hand melting in Guy's hair as he strokes it over and over again. The morning sunlight making it glow with chocolate and gold. “ _Because you can laugh even when surrounded with chaos and that gives me peace._ ” Guy-Manuel lies over him, warm, safe, naked. A Summer morning between these days of Spring. Poetry for Thomas' heart. “ _Everytime you look at me, I sink under your gaze, and I want to drown in the ocean of your eyes a thousand times._ ” Guy frowns in his sleep, closing his left hand just slightly, unknowingly caressing Thomas' chest with a delicate touch. “ _You have never been just a friend or a lover, you dance in between and above. You're vital. Without you, I wouldn’t be more than an automaton, for life wouldn't have any sense or meaning anymore._ ”

Today, right this moment, Guy-manuel is his entire world, there's nothing else. Not even music. It inspires him to no end and he wishes he could write down all the things he wants to say.

Guy opens his eyes with the typical confusion that dawns on you when you just surfaced from a place full of dreams and you're slowly coming back to reality. Thomas has so many things in his head that he feels compelled to talk right away.

\- I think I love you when I'm asleep. - He whispers. Guy-Man frowns even harder at this. Not awake enough to understand. - You are inked so permanently on my skin that you're still there, even when I have little to no control over my mind.

Guy smiles then, his frown melting into a peaceful expression as he closes his eyes again and rests his cheek back into the other's skin, lazy.  
All of his life, Guy-Manuel considered the saddest thing that we have to give up to the need of sleeping, merely because it is what the body demands and what keeps us sane. He loves to sleep, but he hates that we do it mindlessly, uncaring of the fact that the moment and place where our minds are at its brightest is behind our closed eyelids. Freedom is in the unknown, in bordering the madness of our unlimited unconsciousness. In the scariest dreams, almost sick, almost too much. In our shadows, in our light. In the complex everything of our being. Deep in our darkest fears and guilty joys.  
If he is part of that world in Thomas' mind, then he's part of something else, something that we can never reach when we are awake.  
Thomas knows that when says this, even if it's brief, he's not just babbling about love, he's saying _you're my everything._

 

 

Vincent is sitting cross legged in the middle of the stage, studying the lines of his new character. He still has a few months left until actually having to stand on the scenario and perform this play, but he wants to be ready. This girl, Emeline, it's his co-star and keeps on insisting in practicing.  
And speaking of which, she walks towards him, all erotic red lips and swinging hips. Her noisy steps disturb the calm, high heels over wooden floor with a determined tap tap tap tap tap. Her long black hair falls down her back like a cascade, dark eyes fixated on him. It's really too early to be dressed as if she would be about to go out clubbing. But who is him to judge?  
While they practice, she sits near him and leans close. He's not altogether comfortable around her. She tends to be too invasive, too touchy. The complete opposite to Sebastian, he thinks.  
Though, they are friends, kind of...

Not really.

He never spends time with her, but whenever they have to perform on a play together, they get along really well. She's never one to complain about Vincent's requests.

 

 

 

Guy-Man is particularly cheerful today, Sebastian notices, and he is curious about it. When the question finally spills from his lips, Guy simply answers something about having a great morning. He even laughs when Seb makes a joke about him fucking with Thomas like rabbits.

\- It wasn't that! - Guy says, blushing. Sebastian is not sure if it is from laughing or because of his comment. - We just talked today, I swear!

They’ve become good friends, enough as to smile to each other openly. And both know that being how they are, that's an important step. But more important for Sebastian is what he's about to confess, now that Guy has asked him back about looking so upset lately.

\- They have a new play together. - He deadpans, almost as if he would be thinking out loud.

Their shift is over and they're heading back home. Spring is at its splendor. Flowers and birds and all the freaking thing and Sebastian just wants to shoot at every single asshole who dares to talk with him about love, except for Guy, of course, but he doesn't really talk much about it anyways.  
Today it's just not a good day.

\- Pardon? – Guy is lighting a cigarette, when they get inside the building, and stops on his tracks right at the same time as Sebastian.

\- Emeline. - Sebastian says, not really answering the question but just spitting the word like a curse.

Sitting, one next to the other on the stage, Vincent and a girl, who might as well be sitting _over_ him, are practicing their lines with focused looks. Well, at least Vincent is focused on the paper. She is basically digging a hole on his face with the intensity of her eyes.

\- Someone has an opponent. - Xavier says in a lower tone while passing by a cross from them.

He could keep on teasing him, but the deathly stare Sebastian shoots him keeps Xavier at bay.

\- I think I've seen her before. - Guy is raising an eyebrow towards their direction.

Emeline sweeps a lock of hair off her shoulder with an exaggerated move and tilts her face closer to Vincent, pointing at something on the paper on his hands. The latter leans back without even staring at her, a motion that seems automatic, a reflex out of habit. She must do that often enough that he doesn't notice when his own thoughtless actions put distance between their bodies.

\- Of course you have, she doesn't miss a chance of flirting with him. - Sebastian practically snarls.

\- But, doesn't she know you two are together now? - Guy glances at him with the corner of his eye.

\- Does she look like she cares?

\- You're right. I'm sorry.

Sebastian sighs.

\- Hey. - Guy-Man shoves him with his shoulder. - Vincent wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

\- I know... But... - He trails off, focused on her, shaking his head. – Nothing, just forget it.

 

 

 

 

Thibaut opens his eyes and rolls over the sheets. He's about to get out of bed but the most incredible view stops him abruptly. Chris rests facedown on the floor, by the bed. His upper body raised and supported by his forearms while he reads a book, only on his underwear.  
What is it with him and not laying on the bed if it's not just for sleeping? Not that it really matters right now.  
He looks ethereal, almost glowing along with the sunset outside the window. His skin is bathed with a beam of light in which hundreds of dust motes dance and twist, carried by the breeze. This same gust of wind strokes his body almost visibly and the tips of his hair slightly oscillate with it.  
Not even the most skillful painter would've been able of creating something so breathtaking, so appealing and perfect that it almost looks unreal.  
Thibaut feels the urge of extending his arm to touch him. He wants to check if this dazzling view isn't a mirage in the middle of the desert of his heart, where he has wandered alone, thirsty and tired for too many years.  
The tips of his fingers barely touch his shoulder and Chris turns his head, finally aware that he's awake. The corner of his lips curl upwards in a soft smile. Thibaut is speechless. Chris' eyes catch a glint of light and every fiber of his irises bloom into a million different shades of light blue. His voice is sweet like melted chocolate when he whispers a simple " _hey_ ".

\- Hey. - Thibaut answers back, letting his breath fly through it, almost sighing it.

He is completely unaware of Chris having the same moment of daze. Staring at him like you would look at a priceless gift from heaven.  
Christopher is not even sure of when his fascination for him started, but watching him now, with his hair a cute mess below him and his lips plump and inviting, he doesn't really care. It could have been the first time he saw him, walking in with his head down, innocent, unprotected. Or maybe it was the first time he said hi, so shy you would have hugged him out of unbearable cuteness. Maybe it was that morning, some weeks ago, when he found him sleeping at the verge of the bed, about to fall down, and woke him to prevent him from hitting the floor. The look he gave him that day, sleepy and blushed, almost naive, he couldn't help himself, he had to kiss him right in that moment.  
Thibaut bites his lip, desiring him more than ever, unable to hide it on his face. And it doesn't matter that they haven't done it before, it doesn't matter that maybe they are both a little nervous and shaky. Chris just crawls over him, hands trembling while he unbuttons his jeans, and they kiss with nothing but pure eagerness. Tender and slow, but passionate.  
He's careful as if Thibaut would be made of porcelain. Fingers tracing ticklish trails that make him shiver. Kissing his way down his neck, biting delicately, teeth barely caressing his skin.  
If they spent hours doing this, they don't even know. The sun has already disappeared when Chris is finally inside of him. The room dark, tinted with blue. And Thibaut sighs, of all the things he could do, he sighs, as if doing this for the first time wouldn't be nerve wracking, but quite the opposite.  
Chris can't stop himself from putting a hand below his nape and the other down his waist. Burying his face on his neck. Can't stop his mouth from saying out loud how perfect he thinks he is. Can't stop the smile that reaches his lips when Thibaut digs his nails on his back and moans.  
The only bad thing about moments like this, it's that they are not eternal.

 

 

\- God, Thibaut, you look like shit. - Xavier says, and raises an eyebrow when the other simply smiles in return. His hair a complete disaster and his cheeks tinted with a furious red as he smokes a cigarette. - Tell me that I'm not staring at your after-sex face.

\- I would be lying if I tell you that. - He whispers.

Xavier grunts and rests his head on his hands.

\- What's wrong? Did you have another fight with Gaspard? - Thibaut asks after a while, voice soft. Still a little slow to notice Xavier's mood right away.

He would be sleeping in Chris' arms if it wouldn't be for the latter having to work at night today.

\- No, it's nothing. I just... - Xavier stares up at the stars with a frown, the wind rattles his black locks. - Something's been bugging me for weeks and I'm not sure what it is.


	10. Fail of the senses

Xavier had another fight with Gaspard. He hasn't said this to Thomas, but it's written all over his face.  
The smell of cigarettes is heavy on the walls, on the couches, on the curtains, but they've already got used to it enough to just scrunch their noses a little bit whenever coming inside. Right now, though, Xavier looks as if he couldn't stop himself from looking disgusted.  
Both are sitting on a couch in the auditorium, just chatting while Xavier plays the guitar mindlessly. A couple of beer bottles stand on the floor where they can reach them.  
Gaspard walks by, towards the lobby, he's probably about to head out but then he turns his head and sees them, frowning and pursing his lips. Xavier stares back at him with aprehension. Thomas has the feeling that Gaspard's frown has nothing to do with their earlier brawl.

\- You know... - Thomas starts. - I'm a-aware that this-this is none of my business, but... - He scratches his nape. - Sometimes I get the feeling that he c-cares about you.

\- Excuse me? - Xavier's fingers freeze over the strings. His eyes wide open, not in anger, but disbelief.

\- I-I-I know it sounds crazy but listen to me. – Thomas takes a deep breath. - When we were younger and met in school. Guy tended to be pretty much like-like him. H-he pushed people away and no one wanted to be his friend because he was r-rather intimidating.

Talking about the old times makes him happy, his factions becoming soft and loving, his nervous stutter fading away.

\- But I was really interested in kn-knowing him and with a little of insistence I managed to start hanging out with him. - Thomas smiles at a particular memory that he won't voice out loud. - I still felt like I was being a bother but with time I started to understand that he did that kind of things to people because he is shy.

Xavier looks openly uncomfortable with the subject and he frowns while lighting a cigarette.

\- Your point is?

\- M-my point is... After years of being together I became an expert on reading his actions. - Thomas stares down, trying to come up with the words he's looking for. - Guy has a hard time when it comes to talking about what he feels but he tells me that he loves me everyday with the things he does.

Xavier raises an eyebrow.

\- Gaspard, h-he is a little hard to read. - Thomas continues. - But I've seen the way he stares at you. Guy-Man told me about a couple of things he did for you that, I believe, he wouldn't do if he wouldn't at least consider you someone important for him.

\- He just thinks I'm a kid that can't take care of himself. - Xavier leans down to grab his bottle of beer and sips at it with a calculated blank expression.

\- You're wrong.

\- Why are you telling me all of this anyway?

\- Because I know you've noticed that whenever you're drinking he looks concerned.

Xavier fixes his gaze on the bottle he's holding. The wave of annoyance towards Thomas quiets down but he tries to pretend he doesn't know what he's talking about.

\- What do you know about us? - He mutters.

\- Nothing. - Thomas sound so assured of what he's saying that Xavier is obliged to shut his mouth and listen. - But I know what it is to live in conflict with who you are and I know what it is to be with someone who doesn't know how to put his feelings into words. - He stands up, straightening his shirt. - Before you start judging him for what he says, you should start thinking in what he does and why.

He walks away, heading to the door that leads to the hallways.  
Xavier lowers his head, disgruntled. He's too stubborn to accept that what Thomas said makes a hell lot of sense. He takes another sip of his beer, wanting to go back to mess around with his guitar but not being able to stop his mind from mulling over the whole subject.

 

 

Sebastian is upset.

Bertrand talks with him in a lower voice. Faces really close so no one can hear what he's saying.  
Guy stands next to Vincent at the opposite side of the roof, smoking a cigarette and staring up at the sky.

Sebastian is very upset.

His eyes glued to Vincent, ice cold. The latter stares back with a face full of pain.  
Guy-Man wants to know what happened but, judging by how things look right now, he better waits to ask.

Sebastian is not just upset, he is down right pissed off.

He pushes Bertrand to a side with a gentle but strong move, enough to tell him that he's not in the mood to listen to any of this right now.  
He walks closer to Vincent, close enough that his noses barely touch.  
Guy-Manuel slightly leans to a side. But he's not far enough as to not listen what will come out of Sebastian's mouth like a spit of poison.

\- Do not talk to me ever again.

He walks away with heavy steps, slouching, staring down so no one can see his face.  
Vincent stares, without even blinking, at the empty space that Sebastian occupied seconds ago. For a moment, Guy and Bertrand are both worried that he's not breathing. But then, as if he would have been punched in the stomach, he takes a trembling breath in and bends down. Pressing the flat of his palms on his eyes to hide his tears.

 

 

 

Two days later, Xavier and Guy are sitting at the counter while having breakfast. Sebastian hasn't come out of the kitchen, nor he has talked with anybody.

\- Nobody knows what happened? - Xavier says, leaning close to talk in Guy's ear.

It's still too early in the morning to have any customers. The cafeteria is empty and quiet. The smell of bread just taken out of the oven floods the place.

\- I guess Bertrand knows, but I have no idea. – Guy-man answers while frowning at his coffee. – I don’t want to ask him neither.

Xavier nods as he nibbles at the tip of a croissant. His eyes are fixed on the front window. Guy-Man is about to tease him saying that's not the time for Gaspard to come in yet, but he stops when he hears someone opening the door.  
Xavier makes a face.  
It is not Gaspard and it is certainly not someone that they are happy to see.

\- Can I have a cup of coffee? - Her words are invasive in the middle of the calm, mostly because she's almost shouting. She's clearly announcing her arrival with a purpose. Emeline smiles when Xavier stands to take her order. – Oh, and please give me one of those delicious croissants Sebastian bakes. He's such a great cook.

The sound of metal falling to the floor comes from the kitchen and Sebastian curses. Guy-Man purses his lips and shoots her a killer look. Everything falls in place in his mind. She did something. She's the reason why Sebastian isn't talking with Vincent and even worse, she came here to see how good at her job she is. There's no other reason why she's here this early, there's no other reason why she's here at all! She barely even comes, to begin with.  
But why would someone do something like that? Thinking back, it's been a couple of days since he hasn't seen her practicing with Vincent. Of course, he told her to fuck off or something. She can't have him but at least she can be sure that Sebastian doesn't talk with him neither.

\- What a bitch. - He mumbles when she's sitting far away at a table.

Xavier giggles and places a hand above his for a brief moment, squeezing it once in a gesture that means that he thinks the same.

Sebastian curses again in the kitchen and they both sigh.

 

 

 

\- All is fair in love and war. - The voice of the radio man runs through the air.

They are all gathered at Chris' room. All except for Sebastian who sits alone at the scenario, frowning at the radio in the distance.

\- At least, that's what they say. - The radio man continues. - I do not agree.

Gaspard is looking out the window, Xavier stares at him every once in a while. Thomas sits with Guy-man resting his head on his shoulder, caressing his cheek with the back of his hand.

\- It is not ok to be an intruder. It's not ok to hurt someone just because you want what said person has.

Thibaut holds Chris' hand but he's focused on Bertrand. The latter looks apologetic, he knows what everyone else aparently doesn't, but he says nothing. For Guy, though, that's remarkable. If a friend trusted you with a secret you shall remain silent.

\- The next song was composed by Sebastian. It's a little rough, aggressive even, but I believe you'll find it to be amazing.

Vincent hugs his knees. Sitting next to the window with his head low and his eyes closed.

\- To you, my friend, I'll say only this. - The radio man makes a pause. - When you're almost blinded by anger, it's better not to trust in what you see.


	11. What have I done

Xavier stares at Pedro's door with a frown. He re-reads a hundred times the sign nailed to the old wood that says " _The busy boss_ " with Bertrand's handwriting, as if it would help him clear his head. He made this decision, he's going to do this. It doesn't matter that the back of his mind is constantly telling him not to. It doesn't matter that he has a hollow feeling on his insides, that he’s sad about it. _Stop hesitating, it's already decided. Stop hesitating._  
Even worse is that he still feels like something is bothering him but he doesn't know what it is.

He's so lost in his thoughts that he forgets to knock on the door. He just opens it and walks inside.  
Pedro is placing some things inside his closet and he jumps out of surprise when he sees him.

\- God, Xavier, you scared me. - He says as he closes the door of the closet and locks it.

\- I'm sorry I should have knocked.

\- No problem. What do you need, everything ok?

Xavier shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Uneasy.

\- I wanted to know if you... Have... - He tugs at the sleeves of the leather jacket he's wearing and remembering to who it actually belongs makes him even more uncomfortable with what he's about to request. - I wanted to know if I can change rooms.

Something falls inside the closet making a thud sound and Pedro stares at it with the corner of his eye.

\- I knew that thing was about to fall. - He thinks out loud. - What's wrong? Are you having trouble with Gaspard?

He takes a sit and Xavier does the same.

\- It's just that lately we are not... We are fighting too much. - Xavier shrugs unable to hide the sorrow he's feeling.

It makes him mad, really. He shouldn't be gloomy about not sleeping in the same room as Gaspard anymore. He is the problem, not Xavier. He's the one who keeps on hurting him. Why does he even care? They never got along well. It's not like they have long conversations at night before going to sleep or something like that. He's pretty sure he's the only one in the whole building who couldn't do any of those things that friends do while sleeping in the same room.

\- I think I'm a bother to him more than anything. - He adds. - And at the same time, it's not fare that I can't be comfortable in my own room.

Something else falls inside the closet and Pedro sighs, standing to walk towards it. From where he's sitting, Xavier can't see what is it that Pedro is doing but he sees him placing little boxes on the floor. The open door hides half of Pedro when he leans in and moves some things around mumbling something to himself.

\- Need some help? - Xavier asks.

\- No, no. Don't worry. This closet isn't as old as the others, I placed it here a few years ago, it shouldn't be falling apart or anything.

Pedro stares at the insides of the huge piece of furniture, shaking his head just slightly, probably thinking in how to re-arrange the things so they won't fall.

\- I'm sorry. - He says after a while, closing the closet again and leaning against the door. - Some new people came in these past weeks. I have no spare rooms right now.

\- Oh...

\- But it's true what you said, it's not fair that you can't be comfortable on a place that's meant for rest - Pedro stands close to Xavier and places a hand on his shoulder. - As soon as I have a free room, I'll let you know. Is that ok?

Xavier nods and stands up. Pedro stares at him while frowning.

\- I'm really sorry. - He says again.

\- Don't worry.

Xavier is about to leave but then Pedro hugs him. He reciprocates the gesture, buring his face on his chest and, like being struck by a lightning, his body shakes with a quiet sob. He doesn't want to cry. Why is he doing it? Why is this so important? And why is it that he can't help but feeling like a kid embraced by his father when Pedro holds him close? Protected, but so vulnerable when having to let go.

 

Spring days shouldn't be so cold. That's what the radio man thinks as he lowers his head to hide half his face in the warmth of his scarf. He walks around with his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. The little room where the radio equipment hides has always been freezing for some reason. The white walls are marked with black lines out of moving the equipment around four years ago. The old desk has been placed in the middle along with a chair and above it rests a laptop, the microphone and a few necessary things.  
He lights a cigarette and wanders how much has he smoked this past hour. The only answer he gets from himself is _too much_.

He sits down with a sigh and rubs his eyes with his thumb and index fingers. He needs to make the radio show but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out. The mirophone waits for his voice, waits for the words that should be flying through the air. But it's impossible. He can't talk. The only thing in his mind right now is blocking any other thought. He's so sad, he's drowning in sorrow and the fire of frustration burns in his chest. Like always this leads him to be angry and he punches the table with a closed fist.

All of this is his fault.

 

\- What's wrong with you? - Sebastian leans against the wall of the comic store staring straight ahead.

Guy-Man bites softly the butt of the cigarette on his mouth. They are waiting for Thomas, he should be out in about fifteen minutes so he could pretty much tell about this to Sebastian without risking getting caught.

\- I think... That maybe I haven't been paying too much attention to Thomas lately. - He takes a drag and frowns. - I don't want him to feel like I don't care about him or something like that. It's just that we have so many new friends now... We've never had this much friends before. We still spend a lot of time together, it's just not as much as we used to.

\- So why don't you tell him that?

\- I don't know... I want to do something special for him, to tell him how I feel but without using words.

The sun, up in the middle of the sky does nothing to warm them and they both shiver when a breeze blows. Sebastian raises his hand at Bertrand, who is walking towards them but still a block away.

\- Well, you're a musician. - Guy raises an interested eyebrow when Sebastian talks. - Why don't you compose something for him?

 

Tonight the radio is silent. They wait and wait, but no sound comes out of it.

The coffee shop is fairly quiet and miraculously warm. Xavier turns the radio off with one hand as he passes by while he holds the tray with his friends's orders with the other. He's been working extra hours lately, especially in the night shift. This allows him to be back in his room late enough that Gaspard is already sleeping.

\- Adriane! - He calls as he walks to the table where the guys are sitting next to one of the windows.

Her head appears at the door of her little office.

\- Is it ok if I take my break now?

She says yes, of course, and he thanks her with a smile.

\- Now, let's see. This coffee is for Bertrand... - He says as he places each mug in front of them. - This one is for Guy... Thomas... Sebos... Thibaut aaand this one is for me. - He concludes, sitting at the verge of the booth seating.

There's not much to do but there are a lot of gossips to hear. All of them, inclined over the table as they talk. Someone did this, someone did that. A possible trip to the city in a few days. Everything is idle babble until Xavier finally dares to ask.

\- Are we ever going to know what happened with Vincent?

Sebastian tenses up at this, but he doesn't look angry, rather he looks sad. Bertrand takes a sip of his mug, staring out the window.

\- I don't think it's ok to pressure him into telling us. - Thomas says.

\- No, it's alright... I'll have to do it sooner or later and it's better if you hear it from me. - Sebastian answers, defeated.

Everyone leans closer with interest.

 

Vincent holds his head with his hands buried on his hair. He sits alone on his bed, nothing works as a distraction tonight and he is losing his mind. He was stupid, so fucking stupid. He should have done something to stop her but he was so drunk that night...

 _Emeline has offered to help him climb the stairs as he seems to be too tipsy to do it alone. As they go up to the first floor, she holds him close and giggles as he babbles about how thankful he is and how nice she's being with him. They stumble about, hitting walls and trying not to fall as they walk down the hallways._  
_He leans next to the door of his bedroom and struggles to take the keys out of his pocket. When he's finally successful, she snaps them out of his hand stating that he won't be able to open the door in his current state._  
_He doesn't even know why he decided to have a few drinks tonight. Was he celebrating something? He can't tell. He just remembers her, offering beer after beer to him with a smile._  
_Then, like a sheep entering to the slaughter, he carelessly helps himself in and falls on his bed, face up. The roof is spinning and when he closes his eyes the sensation is worse but at least the light doesn't bother him anymore._  
_The door closes and Vincent supposes that he's alone. But, hell no, he isn't._

_\- I really like you, Vincent. - Her voice comes from somewhere at the end of the bed._

_\- Hhmmm? - He mutters, too sleepy and drunk to fully understand._

_\- Why won't you notice me? Why can't you understand that I'm better... Prettier than him?_

_He hears the sound of clothes falling to the floor, but he's still too slow. Everything is like a twisted dream. She crawls over him and he frowns, not sure if the feeling of the mattress sinking has something to do with his fussy brain or not._

_\- Wait... What? - His eyes shoot open right when the doorlock clicks._

_Emeline is on his hands and knees, completely over him but distant enough that their bodies aren't touching, she's still wearing her jeans but her jacket and shirt are gone. Sebastian is opening the door and it's as if a bucket of cold water has been thrown at him. All of a sudden he's completely out of his slumber and pushing her away, but not fast enough as to stop Sebastian from walking away after staring at them, open mouthed and unwilling to believe what's before his eyes._


	12. Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm deeply sorry, this is so long.

A trip to the nicest part of Paris seems to be a great idea and it's only a bus ride away.  
Xavier has made it clear that he can't and will never go with them, nobody knows why but they just don't question him. Gaspard is certainly not the reason, because he comes along but only after Xavier says no.  
They make a fuss on the bus, talking and joking and constantly changing seats. The driver glares at them but says nothing. They are the only ones traveling here and they are annoying nobody but him.  
After a while they all calm down and some of them start to doze off.  
Thomas and Guy-Man are on the far back. Thomas stares out the window with a soft smile while Guy rests his head on his shoulder. Sebastian sits sideways, his back leaned against Bertrand who has fallen asleep with his cheek against the glass.  
Gaspard is right across from him, sitting the same way and chatting with Vincent who whispers at his ear, asking about Sebastian who just purses his lips when Gaspard rises an eyebrow at him.  
Chris and Thibaut are both trying their best not to fall asleep but, finally, Thibaut rests his head on Chris’ lap and surrenders.  
There's still twenty minutes left before they get to their destination and the bus driver will tell them when they get there anyways.

 

They walk around. Stopping at random shops, thinking in buying clothes and vinyls, and discussing prices. Gaspard stares at a leather jacket longingly, he can't buy it and he misses the one he can't have for himself anymore. He found it at a second hand shop a few years ago, but this one is far more expensive.

When they walk across a park Guy makes a comment about the falling petals and leaves from the trees and they all look up, except for Vincent who stares at Sebastian. The latter shoots him a questioning look.  
Vincent bites his lip.

\- You've got... - Sebastian frowns at him. - I'm sorry. - Vincent says, knowing why he's earning a disapproval look and raising a doubting hand.

He reachs out for something in Sebastian's hair, delicate and caring of not even touching him so he won't get mad.

\- You had this on your hair. - He whispers, holding a flower petal between his fingers.

Sebastian opens his mouth a little, his expression softening and feeling a twitch of guilt when Vincent only gives him a sad smile and walks away.

 

Xavier huffs, trying to blow away a lock of hair that has fallen over his eyes. His chin resting on his palm while he leans above the counter. What a boring day. Nobody has come in. The floors are clean, everything is already on its place. There's literally nothing to do but wait for some lost soul to decide and get a hot cup of coffee to warm the cold on its inside.  
He could have taken the day off. But no, that would have been unproductive and, besides, what would he do? He couldn't go to the trip with the guys, not now, not ever. He was still too afraid. Even if he is already 18 years old. Until he's at least 5 years older he can't think in having that kind of freedom for some reason, and even then he's not sure if he would have the guts to go there.  
This amount of nothing drives him crazy. His hands crave for something to do. His mind wanders in between what scares him the most and unimportant matters until Thomas’ voice replays on his ears as if he would be talking right beside him.  
“Before you start judging him for what he says, you should start thinking in what he does and why.”

What he does.

Xavier closes his eyes, sighing and tapping the counter with a finger.

What he does.

He remembers Gaspard staring at him, being the perpetual image of concern whenever the mouth of a bottle touches his lips.  
He remembers those first weeks in The shelter, Gaspard resting on his bed with the blankets up over his head, so he could sleep despite of the lights being on because if Xavier woke up in the middle of the dark he would have a panic attack.

What he does.

He can see him deliberately leaving things that Xavier desperately needed above the desk on their bedroom, not saying a word, not even asking him to give them back later.  
He can hear the keys of a piano, the notes flying through the air every time Xavier had a rough day. Lullabies, always lullabies. And whenever he was walking by the studio area too, as if he knew he was there, stopping, closing his eyes and relaxing with an ear pressed against the closed door.  
He had done a million more things, too many to recall right here and now.

What a twisted relationship. So close and so far away. Gaspard has been a silent protector all of these years. But simultaneously he is his biggest enemy, hurting him, hating him for no reason at all.  
Comfortable in the distance, watching, listening, but never answering, no, because his mouth would betray him every time.  
Why he didn't notice before, it's not a mystery but a sad fact. The radio man did say that when you're almost blinded by anger, it's better not to trust in what you see, after all. And what is he if not a really angry teenager? A kid, yes, staring at his surroundings with fear and trying to prove himself worthy of being called an adult. Everything is new, everything is a stimulation. And like a kid he fights back the new, the unknown, he rejects the change and embraces it at the same time because it's unavoidable. But still there's the need to make everyone think that he isn’t lost, that he doesn't need help.

\- I'm a brat. - He finally says, resting his forehead on the counter.

This realisation alone, this acceptance, even if he doesn't know it, it's the first step to turning into the complete opposite to a child.

 

Gaspard frowns at the passing houses out the window. The bus ride back home is quiet. A soft rain has started to fall. Everybody is asleep, or so he thinks.  
Guy-Man walks towards him, sitting by his side in complete silence. That is until five minutes later.

\- Do you know why Xavier didn't come with us today?

Gaspard raises an eyebrow.

\- Why are you asking me this?

\- Because the way he denied the offer made me think he had a solid reason more than just wanting to work today and you know him better than anyone else despite of... everything.

Gaspard makes a humming noise and stares out the window again.

\- His father lives in this area. - He simply says after a while.

\- Is he afraid of him?

Gaspard nods.

\- Xavier never travels too far away from The shelter.

Guy-Man stares at Gaspard's reflection on the glass, anyone would say he looks completely blank right now, but there's a wrinkle between his eyebrows, there's to much tightness in the way his lips are closed, there's something deep and hidden in his eyes, something so evident that it's almost ridiculous that he can't say it out loud.

\- Why can't you tell him?

\- Tell him what? - Gaspard turns his head and they both share an intense look.

\- That you care about him.

 

Sebastian leans against the wall of the empty auditorium. His mind a mess. Sleepless nights are something he is used to, but the inquietude, the heartache, the misery, that's unbearable. That's something that no trip to the nicest city nor the longest vacations will wipe away. He sighs, staring at his surroundings. This place is a palace, a warm refuge, however he can't feel the same way he felt four years ago when he first stepped inside next to Gaspard.  
The solemn silence is disturbed by the sound of steps.

Who can be awake at this hour? The devil in high heels, of course.

Emeline walks towards him, the darkness in her eyes a void of anger. A cigarette dangles from her pursed lips.

\- Can't sleep? - She says.

\- Yes. - He spits the word, gritting his teeth. - And apparently can't find peace anywhere neither.

She laughs, low and mockingly. Almost wicked. She's so beautiful and her attitude makes her look so hideous.

\- Am I being too much of a bother lately? - She takes the cigarette out of her mouth, rolling it between her fingers and blowing the smoke directly on Sebastian's face.

He holds his breath, at the verge of bursting. The smoke dissipates and she smiles while taking another drag.

\- I'm so sorry.

A string of sanity snaps and Sebastian takes a step forward but stops when he hears someone approaching. He wants to say so many things on her face.

\- Are you mad I tried to make a move on your boyfriend. Oh, wait... Is he still your boyfriend?

He's about to answer when something falls in place in his mind. This is the confirmation he thought he would never have.

\- What did you say?

\- Why don't you leave him alone?! - A voice close to them says and both Sebastian and Emeline turn to see Vincent coming closer with his hands clenched in fists.

\- Vincent, I...

\- Shut up, I told you that I don’t want you close to him, I told you not to talk to me again. But apparently you don't know how to respect what I want or anyone wants.

\- Excuse me? - She touches her chest as if he would have stabbed her.

\- You heard me. You are a selfish bitch, you're nothing but trouble and you should be walking away right now.

Sebastian is staring at him with his mouth dangling open, he has never seen him so angry in his life. Vincent's face is red, he's really furious, his fists are shaking.  
Ferocious, that's how he looks, as if he could jump at her neck and sink his teeth on her jugular. Sebastian almost considers standing between them to shield her when Emeline opens her mouth, she's about to answer, about to fight back but Vincent cuts her short.

\- Get the fuck out. - He says in a whisper, trying his best not to lose control. She looks stern enough as to still wanting to reply but... - GET THE FUCK OUT.

The scream echoes on the walls, comes out of him so suddenly that Sebastian jumps, startled. Emeline's cigarette falls from her hand as she starts walking away as fast as possible, equally terrified as infuriated.  
When she's out of the room a heavy silence falls. Vincent rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands, still trying to control his anger. Sebastian takes them away form his face. The icy blue of his stare finding Vincent's, worried.  
They stand close to each other. Vincent calms down slowly while Sebastian strokes his cheek, tilting his head against the other's palm.

\- I'm sorry. - Sebastian says, his voice shaky.

Vincent frowns.

\- Why?

\- You didn't do it. It was her. She tricked you into getting drunk.

He raises his eyebrows.

\- How do you know that?

\- Gaspard. - It's the answer Sebastian gives and the other sighs.

\- You don't need to apologize. I would have thought the same as you did if the tables were turned.

Sebastian shakes his head at that, caressing his cheek with his thumb.

\- No, but I do need to do it... I didn't give you the chance to explain what happened. I was mad and frustrated... Because she's... She's so beautiful and I'm not and...

\- What? – Vincent cuts him in the middle of what he's saying and Sebastian bites his lip. - Are you kidding me? - Somehow he manages to huff and laugh at the same time. - You don't know how beautiful you are, far more than her for sure. – Sebastian looks down and Vincent bends his knees a little to catch his gaze. - Seb... - They both stare. - I love you.

Sebastian opens his mouth, his eyebrows close together, in what looks like both pain and surprise.

\- I love you. - Vincent repeats. - No one can change that, never. I've been in love with you for so long... And I wouldn't cheat on you or leave you for anybody else... No matter how sexy or cute or...

Sebastian shushes him with a kiss. So gentle, a quick press of their lips that feels like an explosion on their chests. When they part, Vincent is shocked.

\- Does-Does... - He places his hand on Sebastian's nape, clenching and unclenching his fingers between his short black hair. - Does this mean that you forgive me?

\- I should have never been mad at you. - Comes the reply.

It's the last thing Sebastian says before Vincent kisses him again. Holding him close with a hand on his lower back and laughing in between pecks and soft bites. Sebastian hugs him too, closing his hands in fists, gripping his shirt tight and smiling.

Because he can't help it.

Because everything is back on it's place.

Because his heart beats frantically, just like the first time.

 

 

Gaspard is acting... Different. Xavier can't be more surprised by this.  
In the moments where he would say something to make him mad, Gaspard just remains silent. When he should be shooting him a poisoning look, there's only soft eyes. He even talks more, with a little bit of a stutter, but he does.

It's really strange and Xavier wonders what made him change so suddenly. The tension between them is replaced by a comfortable atmosphere where they can both be close to each other at peace. There's no more working until late at night to get to his room when Gaspard is already asleep. No more screams or frustration.

But then, of course, something had to happen. Life is full of these moments that ruin everything. Right now there are two things that make his heart ache and tie a knot on his throat.

First of all, Pedro told them this morning that "the authorities" are asking for too much money. They suspect that this is a trick to kick them out. If they can't pay in two months, there will be trouble. This has them all stressed, the only place they can call home is being threatened. They have to do something and they have to do it as fast as possible.

And second...

All of them are sitting at the cafeteria while Xavier and Guy-Man make some coffee. Even Adriane has joined the conversation and she's assuring Pedro that, if he needs anything, she's more than willing to help. He answers with a nod, worrying his lip when she places a hand on his shoulder. His eyes are full of tears ready to fall. Sebastian has said before that he tends to cry a lot, a "fleur bleue" he called him and Guy-Man chuckled that time.  
Nobody laughs now. It's evident that he's always under a lot of pressure. Running the place all by himself, taking care of them not only like a friend, but a father, even when he's barely a 25 years old. Well it's time for them to help him. He is, in the end, their savior. The moment has come to return the gesture and Guy is struck with an idea that makes him stop on his tracks when he's about to place a mug in front of Vincent.

\- What if... - He says, thinking out loud. - What if we make some concerts and plays to raise money?

They all stare at him.

\- Listen... We can promote this. Bertrand can design the advertisement, make signs. We can announce it on the radio. I know the stage hasn't been used for too many years but...

\- The auditorium is huge. – Thomas adds. - We will have to move every couch from there but...

\- There's room for a whole lot of people. - Xavier finishes the thought.

\- Guy that's a great idea! - Sebastian says, slamming the table with his hands.

Pedro has his eyes wide open and he stands up abruptly, hugging Guy-Man while his body starts rocking with sobs, tears free to fall down his cheeks.

\- We can do this... We can save our home. - He says with a broken voice.

They all smile with relief and start gathering ideas. Bertrand doodles on the napkins, his mind going miles per hour with designs and patterns for the billboards. Coffee after coffee, the planification for the concerts starts to have a solid ground to stand as their salvation.

Xavier is placing some pastries on a plate when he raises his head and freezes. His chest tight, his hands start shaking. Chris frowns at him from the table and nudges Thibaut on the side. Everyone else notices that something is wrong and the conversation dies down. Xavier's knees feel week as he takes a quivering step back.

Gaspard turns his head at the window. A man outside has his eyes on Xavier and he starts rushing at the door, stumbling and visibly out of his mind. A bottle falls from his hand, crushing on the sidewalk and then is when Gaspard understands.

Xavier makes a choked sound, like a scream that got stuck on his way out.

It can't be. After all of this time.

Not him.


	13. Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter could be a trigger if you ever suffered domestic violence. I'm sorry, skip to the part where Xavier wakes up.

The man itself, looks like an older version of Xavier with a beard, but as if he would have been struck by a hurricane. He's bigger too, visibly strong and, as he rushes inside, he's the personification of a bear ready to attack.

\- You! - He snarls.

The guys are staring at the situation without understanding. Gaspard, however, is already on his feet. Xavier, right across from him, has one hand above the counter for support as he stares at his father unable to process nothing but fear. If this is another nightmare, he hopes he'll wake up right before being hurt, like always. It's his bad luck that he's not behind the counter, but in front. Nothing to shield him, nothing to hide him.

\- Do you have any idea how much trouble I've had because of you? - The man continues, slurring the words until he's babbling.

Xavier goes from being blank to have his head full of an endless rush of questions. How did he found me? What is he doing so far away from home? What am I going to do now? What if he wants to take me back?  
The urge of running travels through his body like an electric shock, tingles on his limbs and the tips of his fingers. His feet, though, won't move. The image ahead, a trigger of bad memories.

\- You little, whiny, shit. Your mother left because you left. The police came home and I almost got arrested. - As he talks he steps closer and closer.

Pedro makes a choked sound when he finally understands. Xavier is paralyzed. He had already forgotten how this felt. Everything happens too fast, he blinks and he is a kid again, staring at his father from behind a sofa that looks ten times bigger than it really is, his mother cries, he has a hand above his stomach while the pain spreads all over his rib cage. In a second he's back and the cafeteria feels unfamiliar, he feels out of place and his lungs are incapable of helping him breathe. He blinks again and he's crying against his bedroom door, locked inside and desperate while his father bangs the door, making it tremble as if it would be about to fall in pieces. When he's finally back in reality, his chest hurts, his heart beats so fast he's sure it's just frantically trying to beat as many times as possible before stopping forever.

His father kicks a chair and walks closer, already raising a fist in the air. Xavier's instinctive reaction is to braise himself and he is closing his eyes when there's a sudden shadow clouding his view. As he stares up, he notices Gaspard standing in between them. An arm reaching behind him to curl around Xavier, pressing him hard against Gaspard's back, which is why Xavier rocks with him as he receives the hit in the upper part of his chest where Xavier’s chin would have been.

The next thing Xavier knows is that he's on the floor and Gaspard punched his father back. From this point of view, the other seems huge. The guys are already trying to stop them.  
Sebastian and Bertrand are helping him up from the floor and dragging him to the kitchen, Adriane closes the door and the muffled sound of the fight sneaks in from the serving hatch.  
This is the moment when he starts to get desperate, fighting for breathing and twitching while Adriane holds him in place. Someone hits the floor outside the kitchen and Pedro is screaming.

\- Get him out. I don't care if we have to drag him out the door. Call the police.

Xavier's view gets blurry. Bertrand holds his face and says something but he doesn't understand his words, the buzzing in his ears is intense and the last thing he sees is Sebastian desperately talking to him, moving his lips in vain because everything has got reduced to nothing.

He passes out.

 

Xavier opens his eyes slowly, everything is calm around him and he's a little lost. What...? He runs the palm of his hand over the surface of whatever he's lying on and it's soft, comfortable. A bed, he thinks. Gradually, the memories of the cafeteria come back and he's on alert mode, sitting abruptly and regretting it instantly, everything spins and he's got a headache.  
He's in his room, Guy-man and Thomas sit by his side and they both jump out of the floor when they see him waking up.

\- What happened?

\- You passed out. But you're alright now. You've been sleeping for around two hours. - Thomas says.

\- My-my-my dad. What did he do? Gaspard! Is he ok?

Guy-Man shushes him and rubs his back with a soothing hand.

\- He's ok, a little... Bruised, but he's ok.

\- Please, tell me what happened.

Guy and Thomas stare at each other and then at him. They wait until he calms down and then tell him that the police came in and took his father away. Apparently, he was at a party near by, he got out early and, in his drunk deambulation, he walked by the cafeteria and saw Xavier inside.  
For Xavier's sake, nobody told the police why he really attacked Gaspard or Xavier's family relation with the man, merely telling them that he decided to get inside and got violent when they told him that it was closed. Adriane's trusty words convinced them enough as to ignore the man’s drunk babbling and not make too many questions. Xavier will have to remember to apologize with her and to thank her everyday for the rest of his life.

\- He's not coming back anytime soon. - Guy-Man concludes. - You should have seen how Gaspard kicked his ass. Plus he doesn't know where you live. I don't think he even knows that you work at the cafeteria. For what he saw, you could have been there taking a cup of coffee with some friends.

Xavier sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

\- I want to see Gaspard.

Thomas purses his lips.

\- Xav, you need to rest. It's been a hard day.

\- No, please, I won't be able to sleep if I don't see him.

 

\- Oh my God. - It's the first thing he says when he walks into the kitchen on the first floor.

Gaspard is sitting at a table and it's the only one who doesn't stand up upon seeing him. Everybody rushes at his side, asking him how he's feeling and scolding him for not staying in bed. But he ignores them completely. They both stare for a moment. Right now, there's nobody here but them.

Xavier swallows, trying to ease the knot on his throat.  
Gaspard doesn't look so bad. At least, not for what he can see. Despite this, Xavier can't help but feeling overwhelmingly guilty. Gaspard's lip has a deep cut and there's a bruise near his collar bone. His right hand is hidden under a bloody bandage and he's not sure if there's more bruises under his clothes.  
He walks towards him and sits on the bench by his side. Everyone else have their eyes on him, mostly annoyed for being ignored but also understanding why.

Xavier raises a doubting hand, hesitating before barely touching the corner of Gaspard's mouth with the tip of his fingers. The other says nothing, merely flinching. Xavier doesn't know if he's mad at him or tired, or about to scream.  
All of these thoughts dissipate when Gaspard simply holds his hand. Xavier’s face contracts with pain, the weight of the situation falls over him and a single, lonely tear travels down his cheek.

\- I'm sorry. - He says weakly, stifling a sob. - Gaspard, I'm so sorry.

 

 

It's been weeks and everybody is too busy to talk about Xavier's dad. The rumor spread faster than the plague, but luckily the preparations for the concerts and plays are the main subject of conversation.

The theatre is more alive than ever. Everybody is working on making it look presentable.  
Even if most of them barely make it to the end of the month, they made a secret collect of money to buy everything they needed for the reparations. And, of course, Pedro broke down in tears when a mass of people came into his room with the money and announced for what it was.

The walls of the auditorium and the lobby are being re-painted. Every window is open to let out the smell of years of cigarette smoke. Taking the couches out was an easy task and the floors have never been cleaner.  
Even better, after the daily announcements on the radio, the neighbors from blocks away have come to help or left things like new curtains and food.

\- It's the least we can do. - An old lady told Pedro, after offering cooking for them with a group of men and women. - The whole neighborhood loves this place, it has a big historical value and the kids who live here are always nice.

Because they don't have any chairs, Vincent and a group of actors have planned a succession of short plays. This will prevent the people from standing up for too long doing nothing and getting uncomfortable. The first play is the most important one. They will tell the story of the theatre from its beginning.  
One day Pedro rushes inside with dj equipment and the guys can't help but being all over it. It's cheap, and maybe it's not the best in the market but along with the things they've got on The studio area it's going to work perfectly.

Gaspard looks better, the bruises are merely visible now and his lip is healing perfectly. Nevertheless, Xavier doesn't allow him to lift heavy things or do any hard work. This is mostly because a few days ago he saw him changing clothes before bedtime and noticed a fading bruise on one of his shoulders, he said nothing about it but then he started scolding him whenever he was helping move big boxes.

Bertrand has turned his room into an improvised art studio and some girls are helping him design and paint the advertisement and signs. He has stopped looking like a human being and has turned into a big canvas of paint stains that walks around with brushes falling off of his back pockets.

Thomas and Guy, along with Thibaut, Chris and Sebastian are mostly helping with the staging. This meaning that they are selecting, designing and building whatever the actors need on the performance space. The scenic backgrounds are a collection of lovely master pieces that they made along with Bertrand and they are endlessly proud of them.

The whole building breathes and it's flooded with energy. At night the silence is intense enough that you can almost hear the beating of its heart, this being the muffled sound of people falling on their beds, exhausted after a long day working on their respective jobs and then coming back to the place and helping with the reparations.

 

Three weeks passed by and, thanks to the help of the neighbors, they even managed to paint the front of the theatre. Walking inside makes you feel as if, the place would be brand new. The red on the walls almost vibrating with its sparkly color. The big ceiling chandelier, that has gone unnoticed for years, is now shining bright, finally clean and full of new light bulbs. Its residents have never been on a better mood. Everybody smiles and help each other. This is not to say that they didn't act like this before, but the truth is that having this goal in common made them be closer than ever.  
The teamwork has proven to be their way into fully becoming a big happy family and Pedro has never felt such joy in his life.

\- This is thanks to you. - He says to Guy-Man, when they cross paths on a hallway. - Your idea was brilliant.

\- That’s because I'm brilliant! - Guy jokes and they both laugh.

Thomas smiles from behind them and shakes his head. It's been years since he saw Guy-man acting like this, so care free and open. He'll have to make some kind of present for Pedro to show him their gratitude for opening the doors of this place for them. Whatever it was that still chained them with their past is now gone, a new life, a fresh beginning it's what he offered to them and saying thank you is just not enough.

The whole neighborhood is active, people come and go, staring at the building with interest. Every shop has accepted to put signs announcing the concerts and plays in The shelter. Huge billboards cover the walls on the street and make the passersby stop and stare in awe.

 

Three days before the grand re-opening, everything is already on its place and Pedro has gone away to finish up some business and legal arrangements. He'll be back the night before the big day and Adriane shows up with some pastries and a great idea.

\- I know that you have worked too much. - She says in the middle of the auditorium, everybody sits around her and listens in a solemn silence. - But a lot of you have told me that you want to make Pedro know how thankful you are to him, and I believe this is a beautiful way of doing it. - Xavier smiles at her and Sebastian sighs. - So what do you say? Can we do this for him?

The whole room answers with a long and collective "Yes!" and they stand up and get to work on this new small project.

 

Thibaut and Vincent walk in, a day later, with huge packs of red things that nobody knows what the hell are.

\- Red paper lanterns! - Thibaut exclaims and Chris beams at the sight of him bouncing on his feet with excitement.

\- This cool, chinese dude was about to throw them away a few blocks from here and gave them to us for free when we asked if we could take them. - Vincent says.

\- We can put some metal wires, attach them from the front of the building to the walls of the alley and hang them from it! - Thibaut practically jumps around with one of them on his hands. - We can use those lights on the basement, put them inside, the wiring is long enough, it's gonna look amazing!

 

Bertrand has been working on some secret thing that nobody knows about and he's locked in his room all alone.

The coffee shop has been closed for the public and the place is full of people cooking.

 

In between all the nonsense, Guy-man takes Thomas’ hand and silently leads him to the studio area.

\- Guy, what's going on? What do you want to show me?

Guy-man only turns his head to wink at him and keeps on walking until they are in front of the piano and he's offering him to sit on the little bench next to him.

\- Ok... So... - He bites his lower lip. - Gaspard, Thibaut and Xavier have been teaching me since a long time, but I'm still not good enough so don't laugh at me if I make a mistake.

Thomas raises his eyebrows and opens his mouth in a perfect 'o' shape.

Guy-Manuel starts playing. His fingers a little clumsy over the keys of the piano, but nonetheless, creating a fluid melody. It's a song that Thomas has never heard before. Really sweet, tender on his ears and ultimately mesmerizing. He stares at Guy, at the focus on his eyes and the way he worries at his lip non stop. This is important, he understands, this is something he's been planning for months, making time between all their hard work to practice. A warm feeling grows on his chest, he's touched and the song is gentle while caressing his heart.  
By the time Guy-man is playing the last notes, he's already kissing him. First his chin, then his cheek and then the corner of his lips. Guy turns around to kiss him properly and one of Thomas' hands buries in his hair.

\- Did you compose this? - He asks, his voice rough with emotion.

Guy nods, embracing him and hiding his face against Thomas' neck.

\- For me?

Another nod.

\- I love you. - Guy whispers. - Please, never forget that.

\- How could I? - Thomas says. - Were you worried that you weren't giving me much of your attention?

Guy leans back to stare at him, looking apologetic. Thomas always knows what's on his mind, always.

\- I know we've been busy and things have changed a lot. - Thomas says with a big, goofy smile. - But I would never have a single doubt about your feelings for me.

Guy smiles back at him and kisses him with his arms lazily curled around his neck.

\- Thank you so much for this. It's beautiful, Guy. - Thomas whispers in his ear. - I love you too, more than anything in my life. You are the reason why I wake up and smile to the world every morning.


	14. Lies have short legs

\- Are you excited about the concerts and plays on The Shelter? - The voice of the radio man says through the speakers. - Because I am.

Everybody is taking a break and the auditorium is full of people drinking coffee or beers. The radio stands near the stage, where they can take it off in a few days, it's been wired to the amplifiers, but still everyone remains silent. Whoever isn't at their job right now, is sitting somewhere here.

\- If you don't have your tickets yet, you can buy them at the lobby. There's still dates that haven't been sold out for the last shows of the month. Also, I'd like to remind you that, due to the shows being late at night, the radio program will be airing from 2pm to 6pm these weeks.– He continues. - You really don't know how grateful we are. It's been some busy weeks, but everything is going great and we will make a good show for you.

Xavier beams and stares at the radio with his eyes shining. Thibaut giggles at his side, but right in front of him Gaspard frowns deeply.

\- This is our home and thanks to you we will be able to keep it.

\- Oh, he's so charming. - Chris says in a mocking, girly tone.

Xavier turns his head to stare at Chris, planning on sticking out his tongue at him, but halfway through it, his eyes find Gaspard. The other averts his gaze and stares at the front door intently. He mumbles something intelligible too. Xavier catches a few words like " _asshole_ " and " _childish crush_ ".  
This actually makes him mad but he says nothing. Really, what's wrong with him? Everything was fine until a week ago, when he started to act like this again. The cold stares, the silence. They still don't fight quite as much as they used to, but they are also walking backwards and falling into the old tense relationship. It's as if Gaspard would have an invisible switch that turns on and off hardly ever. Lately it had been off, but now something turned him back into his usual self.  
Xavier really wants to defend himself from Gaspard's words.

\- Raaaadio man. - Vincent jokes. - Where are you, my love?

Bertrand shoots him a disapproving look, but to be fair, nor Chris or Vincent know what they are provoking. Guy-man and Sebastian, on the other hand, squint at Gaspard with interest.

\- Gossipmongers. - Thomas whispers and Guy punches his arm without taking his eyes away from Gaspard.

Xavier raises an eyebrow. A comeback ready for this situation.

\- I know who the radio man is and I could never love him. - He says. - I discovered it a few days ago.

All of them stifle an exclamation noise at the same time. Bertrand raises his eyebrows until they almost touch. Guy-man purses his lips and closes a hand on a tight fist. Gaspard has turned his head and it's staring at him open mouthed and Vincent, at his side, mirrors his expression.

\- Who is he? - Thomas says, unable to tolerate the silence.

Xavier raises a finger and points at Vincent. Someone sighs but nobody notices because they are all turning their heads in inuson.

\- What? - Vincent shrinks under their gazes.

\- Well... Now that I think about it. - Sebastian says, amused. - I've seen you at strange hours of the night carrying cds.

\- But-but-but...

\- And how did the radio man knew when Sebos and you were fighting? - Chris adds.

\- Anyone could have told him!

\- But guys... - Thibaut interrupts. - Right now you can hear his voice on the radio. How can Vincent be in two places at the same time?

\- That's what we want to know, radio man. - Xavier adds and winks at Vincent. - I was so in love. - He says, knowing that maybe this will backfire at him but being annoyed enough as to do it anyways. - Why did you have to be an asshole?

Gaspard rolls his eyes and stands up, proving immediately that Xavier was right.

\- You are the asshole. - He snarls under his breath. - Stop making stupid jokes.

He leaves and Xavier sighs.

\- I will never understand what's his problem.

\- Wait, you were joking? - Thomas says disappointed.

\- Of course I was...

 

 

It's around 10pm and really he should be wanting to go to sleep, but he's full of energy and, as his feet hit the sidewalk after coming down from the bus, Pedro wonders if maybe there's some last-minute thing to do before tomorrow night. The negotiations went smoothly, everything is alright and he feels so positive and cheerful that he's sure he won't be able to rest for a couple of days.  
He's a block away from The shelter and a strange glow of light catches his attention. The shining flies towards to night sky and radiates from the center of the block. It's coming from close to home... It's coming _from_ home! He realizes and he starts to walk faster.  
He's about to turn around the corner when he's abruptly stopped by Vincent and Sebastian.

\- Not so fast. - Vincent says and Pedro is about to ask what the hell is going on but Sebastian raises a finger in front of his lips.

\- We've got a surprise for you.

Vincent stands behind him.

\- You have to close your eyes!

\- But, guys!

\- No, no buts. Come on. - Sebos says.

Vincent covers his eyes and everything goes dark. He feels Sebastian's gentle hand taking his and leading him forwards. They walk slowly because Pedro is too tall and Vincent is trying his best for him not to see but also trying not to trip.  
Little by little he starts to catch some particular things. Like the smell of food and the hushed whispers of people around him.  
They come to a stop and Sebastian releases his hand and walks away.

\- Ready? - Vincent says at his ear, standing on his toes to reach it.

Pedro nods once, biting his lower lip and smiling a little. Vincent lets him go and when he opens his eyes he's standing in front of the largest group of people he has ever seen and they are cheering and screaming and clapping. The whole neighborhood must be here.  
He stands speechless, staring in awe at a place so beautiful that he almost doesn't recognise it at first sight.  
The huge alley is crowded, large tables filled with food and drinks at it's sides. The glow he saw from blocks away comes from six lines of red paper lanterns which start in the middle of the roof of The Shelter and finish in the walls of the alley, creating a fan shaped mirage of red light balls that seem to be floating in the air. Everything is bathed with glow, it reflects on people's eyes and makes their skin look soft and warm. Like a dream.

He's so overwhelmed that he doesn't see Bertrand hanging from a large rope from the roof until everybody turn their heads at him. He has a hand over the corner of a big piece of fabric that covers the place where the sign above the double doors used to be, one of his feet is hooked on the end of the rope. He raises his other hand, losing a little of his balance but managing not to fall, and without a word everyone starts a countdown from 10 to 1 in unison. By the time it's over he pulls the fabric to reveal a brand new sign.  
Pedro chuckles a little because Bertrand has insisted on changing that sign almost since the first week he started living there, and this is the complete opposite to the old, spray painted, one that they used to have.  
The letters are perfectly prolix, painted in black over light-brown wood. It's neat and classy, but it still has that touch of Bertrand's style that Pedro loves, that one that says we are young, we are free and we like to have fun.

His chest feels tight and he knows he's about to start crying again. This is best gift they could have made for him.

The second thing he didn't notice is that everybody is holding cups in their hands. Gaspard walks towards Pedro and offers him one with a soft smile while Bertrand reaches the floor slowly and makes an 'ok' motion to the people on the ceiling.  
Xavier stands on a chair in front of the building.

\- To Pedro! - He exclaims, raising his cup in the air. - The man who gave us a place to call home.

 

 

 _The first play is the most important one._ Vincent repeats to himself mentally like some kind of twisted mantra that he shouldn't have picked up because it obviously won't work at all because it's not made of soothing words and fuckfuckfuck. He bites his nails and walks around in a nervous state. For the fifth time he takes a glimpse from the corner of the stage and the auditorium is full. Sebastian laughs at him and hugs him from the back.

\- You're gonna do it just fine.

Vincent makes a disgruntled sound and he giggles near his ear.

\- Relax. - Guy-man says while passing by with a little box on his hands, a couple of girls following him with costumes for the second act.

The lights in the auditorium start to dim slowly and the sound of the people dies down. Vincent takes a deep breath in, he's always nervous at the beginning of the plays, but now it's even worse because he has to be alone, talking in front of the closed curtain with all eyes on him.

\- Break a leg. – Sebastian whispers and gives him a little push so he starts walking.

Each step leads him to the middle of the stage, in the little space between the huge, closed, red curtain and the edge. Everybody following his motion with their heads until he stops and takes a moment to collect his thoughts.

\- Generosity. Love. Home. - He recites, trying not to stutter. - Words that we use day by day, without thinking about their importance.

Thank God, is dark enough around him as to not see the people staring. The only light falling on him.

\- Words that we twist and transform in something senseless. - He swallows hard. - But, sometimes, we find people who reminds us of their true value.

Sebastian beams from the corner of the stage, hidden in the shadows.

\- This is a story about the true meaning of these words. About the man who started it all, who didn't want to stick to the status quo, who decided to walk against the tide and give a hand to the people that needed it the most.

He sees someone giving him a thumbs up from the front of the auditorium and squinting for a second leads him to the conclusion that it's either Gaspard or Thibaut, but really that's hard to tell from the distance and he doesn't have time to think about it.

\- It's also the story about his successors. - He adds, making a pause then to give emphasis to his last words. - Prepare yourselves to walk into the building with more stories than any other in this city.

He smiles then, because he's been wanting to say the next words for years.

\- We welcome you... To The shelter.

 

 

The radio show is almost reaching its end. The room is hardly illuminated by the sun that creeps through the closed curtains. The music is merely a faint sound that dances around with the shadows on the walls. Maybe he should have picked his clothes from the floor, maybe he should have made the effort of making his sheets look less like a battle field. But the mess around him is the perfect illustration of how his thoughts run around in his head.  
He sits on the bed, cross legged and resting his back on the wall. His eyes are unfocused, seemingly lost in the outlines of the buildings that have been drawn by the sun with black on the opposite side of the room.  
This strange feeling he's been having for months now seems to crawl over him slowly, making him lose himself in the uncertainty. It's on the tip of his tongue, something he should have noticed before, that he could reach with his hand if he just knew what it is. It shivers in the edges of his mind like a cornered animal.  
He's so close, somehow, he knows it... But what is it?!

Something sparkles in front of him and Xavier catches it in a glimpse. He slides down to the floor and crawls a little under Gaspard's bed, extending his arm until he's got it in his hand. He sits down and stares at it. A piece of glass.  
He frowns until he remembers that he purposely crushed a glass cup on the floor in a moment of rage. He also kicked it after that. He thought he had cleaned that mess, it took him a lot of time to collect every single shattered piece, but apparently this little thing escaped from his view...

Something clicks on his mind and he goes rigid.

His head raising slightly and his frown deepening.

Why was Gaspard so mad at him that day or vice versa? He can't recall, but he does remember what Gaspard said.

“ _Unhealthy... A living hell. That asshole's speeches really affect you, uh?_ ”

How did he know...? He was working at the night shift the day that show aired, he didn't listen to the radio.

“ _He can't hide up in the building forever._ ”

**Up, in the building...**

He stands up abruptly, covering his mouth with a hand. His mind finally connecting the dots. A shiver runs down his spine.

**Up.**

**Gaspard started to act differently after Xavier told Pedro he wanted to change rooms. Pedro would have never told him, he's not like that.**

Xavier opens the door of his room, steps outside and closes it with a slam.

**Pedro told him that the closet on his room has been placed there a few years ago. The radio show started to be on air three years ago.**

He practically starts running.

**Something fell... Something fell inside of it while they were talking.**

He turns a corner in a rush.

**Pedro stared at the insides of that big piece of furniture, he shook his head. Only then he told him that there were no rooms vacant.**

He turns another corner and runs down the hallway in a blink.

**That one time he waited for the radio man to show up in the secret hallway where Pedro supposedly leaves the cds for him, he never did because he already knew Xavier would be waiting. No, he never did because Pedro never leaves the cds there!**

Xavier reaches Pedro's room and slams his body against the door due to the inertia. He stares at it for a second, his heart going miles per hour. He might be going crazy right now, but he can't care less. If everything is true there's only two possibilities.

Gaspard knows who the radio man is... Or...

He knows Pedro tends to leave the door of his room unlocked. He only hopes that this is one of those days. His hand freezes on the doorhandle. He takes a deep breath in.

It's unlocked.

He walks in and starts searching through the drawers, only to turn around and notice that the key of the closet is already on the lock and the door it's slightly ajar.

 _Of course_. He thinks. _If not he would leave him inside with no way out._

He opens it slowly, squinting to see in the dark. A string of light catches his attention from the back of the furniture and he places his hand above the wood, when he realises that it feels strange, like a different kind of wood, rough and unpolished. The closet is perfectly standing against the wall, so close to it that there's barely any distance in between. Nobody would ever take note that there's a huge square hole on its back.  
He loses his balance and unwillingly puts pressure on the wood. The trap door slides back and then slightly to a side.  
Xavier's heart skips a beat when the muffled voice of the radio man, saying goodbye to the audience, comes out of there instead of a radio.  
He slides the door to a side completely until he's able to crawl through and fit on the space inside. It's little, so tight that he wouldn't be able to stretch his arms towards his sides fully, it's dark too but there's a light coming from somewhere over his head and he palpates the steps of a ladder that are barely visible in front of him.

He swallows hard and starts to climb.

 

The radio man is collecting some cds and leaving everything in its place over his desk. He turns off the equipment and moves the microphone to a side. A lit cigarette burns too close to his fingers and he smashes it on the ashtray.  
He sighs, rubbing his closed eyes and only then he hears movement on his back.

\- Pedro, what's wrong? I thought you were helping Chris with... - He turns around on his chair and the image in front of him leaves him speechless.


	15. Free

**"When truth is buried underground it grows, it chokes, it gathers such an explosive force that, on the day it bursts out, it blows up everything with it." ― Emile Zola**

 

 

Xavier stands, open mouthed as he stares at the person in front of him. It feels unreal. He always wanted to know how he looked like.

Only now he finds out he always knew.

Gaspard stares back at him, his blank facade falling. Flashes of emotion revealed on his face. Shocked, he sits stiff and blinks fast as if he would be waiting for Xavier to disappear, like a product of his imagination.

The silence is almost menacing, threatening to become the explosion of words they never thought they would say out loud, clings to their vocal cords, leaves them mute.

It takes a long collection of minutes, of staring at each other like nothing else exists around them, for someone to speak. It's terrifying, specially for him, who feels that maybe if he keeps his mouth shut, as usual, the moment will dissipate. Nothing good ever turned out of him talking.

\- What are you doing here? - Gaspard's voice comes out forced, because he’s fighting against the need of just remaining silent.

\- What are _you_ doing here? - Xavier asks back.

\- Isn't it obvious? - He raises an eyebrow, pretending he's not trembling and breathing steadily through his nose to calm his racing heart.

Xavier makes a series of stammered sounds. Frozen in his place.

\- Isn't it the biggest disappointment you've ever had? - Gaspard snarls, suddenly furious, bitter, and not knowing how to cope with it. - That I, out of all people, am the one who sits in front of the microphone.

The other still doesn't know how to answer, for once helpless as to what to do with Gaspard's outburst. In a futile attempt to find his words, he stares around, at the radio equipment and the things against the walls. How little this room is, cold and somehow unwelcoming, a reflection of endless hours of frustration and confinement. He can smell Gaspard's cologne and he can almost see him pacing around, smoking countless amounts of cigarettes. Hitting his head against the desk, hopeless, lonely.

\- Ho-How? How...?

\- How, what? - Gaspard asks, sharply.

\- You have been there, we've listened to the radio together... - Xavier is still staring at nothing, struggling with this revelation. - With the guys. And y-you work at night some days.

Gaspard places a hand above a worn out, old laptop that rests beside the microphone. Taps a finger over it, making a pause and considering if it's smart to reveal this.

But there's no point in hiding it anymore, is it?

\- 30 minutes of silence... Sometimes more. - He says finally, Xavier frowns, his eyes falling on the laptop. - At the beginning of each recording, it gives Pedro time to press play and walk down to the auditorium whenever I'm not doing the show live.

Xavier’s jaw hits the floor.

\- But, when do you-

\- Don't you understand? - Gaspard sighs, exasperated. - What was the name of the factory I work in? - Xavier worries at his lip, he doesn't remember. -You don't know, of course you don't, because I don't 'work'. I never did. Pedro pays me for doing the radio show, for promoting our music and the plays.

\- But... I've seen you going out to work...

\- You saw me walking away... You always suppose I'm going to the bus stop. But you never actually saw me taking a bus... Did you?

It's the constant pauses in between their answers, what gives Xavier the time to think about this. While he does, his eyes fall over a ladder at a far corner on the room, and then up towards a trap door he didn't notice before. Gaspard turns around at the ladder.

\- Very good... - He says.

\- I never saw another trap door on the roof.

\- You wouldn't see the one that we use to go up if you wouldn't know it's there.

It's true, the floor on the roof has big tiles. The one they regularly use to go up and down has a metal knocker, but aside from that there's nothing else that could identify it as a trap door.  
It's absurdly obvious now, seeing it in retrospective, how he gets back inside to do the radio show or to record one that would air later, because Gaspard always turned around the corner of the block when he left. And the fire stairs in the back of the building can be used to go up to the roof.

Gaspard rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands.

\- You couldn't just leave things how they were, couldn't you? - His tone harsh enough that Xavier ultimately looks at him. - You _had_ to find me. You had to keep insisting on knowing who your beloved radio man was.

Xavier frowns again, ready to answer when Gaspard unexpectedly stands up.

\- Why can't you just leave me alone?!

Xavier flinches and steps to a side.

\- Well... I was... I...

\- You, what?! - Gaspard walks closer and each step forwards is a step back for Xavier. - You needed to know, you wanted to take this away from me too.

\- What the hell are you talking about? What did I do? - He's enraged now, his emotions mirroring the ones Gaspard is practically perspiring over him. - Take away what from you? You're talking nonsense.

The other is not really listening, though, and keeps cornering him until Xavier's back hits the wall.

\- Well, you did it. You found the radio man, and like you said the other day, you could never love him... Because he's an asshole.

\- What's your fucking problem with people saying I'm in love with him? - Xavier leans forwards, daring.

Gaspard shuts his mouth, clenching his teeth. He's containing a rage that Xavier has seen in the past, easy to identify for someone who has lived for years with a person who can suddenly attack you for no apparent reason. It makes his blood boil, and, although it instantly triggers his survival instinct, he closes his hands on tight fists, and pushes aside the urge to run. He's not escaping, no, never again.  
Gaspard is invading his personal space, too much to be comfortable, their noses inches away from each other. They are both so tense that if someone would barely take them by surprise, they both could explode in a hysterical outburst.

\- What do you want to do? - Xavier says, his voice trembling. He hits Gaspard on the chest with his hands and leaves them there to put some space between them. - You want to punch me? Go ahead! - He closes his eyes for a second, containing a rush of tears that he won't let out. - It's not as if it would be the first time someone vents his anger on me.

Gaspard opens his eyes wide, Xavier's words nailing on his heart like a knife. He hits the wall near Xavier's head with an open hand, closing his eyes and then staring down. But the other is not afraid, reading now the distress all over Gaspard's face.

There's an electric pause and then Gaspard leans closer and kisses him. It takes Xavier a single beat of his heart to kiss him back. His mind going blank. A couple of tears falling down his face until one of them drops to the ground. It's a bit rough but Gaspard's lips are warm and soft.

\- Why can't you see? - Gaspard says against his slightly open mouth. His breath filling Xavier's lungs, warm and a little sour because of the cigarettes he's probably been smoking. - Why can't you see that I've been in love with you since you first came here, but I couldn't tell you in the beginning because you were too young? That every morning I’m at the coffee shop just to see you working, ignoring me.

His voice is a whisper, it makes Xavier's body heat up with how faint it sounds, as if it would be coming from somewhere deep inside of Gaspard.

\- Why can't you see how frustrating it is that now you love someone I could never be? - Gaspard leans away a little and points at the radio equipment at his back, his hands still shaking. - I'm mad because that's not me, I don't talk like him, I will never be like him. 

But Xavier kisses him again and Gaspard takes him by the hips and clenches the fabric of his t-shirt.

\- I will never be outgoing, I can barely open my mouth. And everything I _do_ say makes things worse. I will never be the man you love, not in front of other people.

Xavier is overwhelmed, not only by Gaspard's words, but the fact that he has been so frustrated with this for these past years, that right now he's not even capable of reasoning that Xavier is kissing him back. He's acting as if this would be a dream he had so many times that he can't believe it's true.

\- Gaspard. - He says in the same hushed tone the other's been using. Caressing Gaspard's nose with the tip of his own. - I've had a crush on you since we first met. - He moves his hands from Gaspard's chest to his cheeks and lifts his head so they are both staring. - I never said I was in love with the radio man, everybody assumed that because I was curious about him. When I said that, the other day, I was just joking and I was mad because you were insulting me again.

This is true, he's never been infatuated with the radio man. He always considered him a person with whom he would get along really well, someone he admired, and this lead him to have a strong curiosity about who he really was.

But that’s it.

Gaspard frowns and Xavier rests his forehead against his cheek.

\- I never did anything about my feelings for you because you were constantly pushing me away. I came here because I realised that maybe you... - He makes a long pause. - But I thought you hated me.

Gaspard closes his eyes and sighs, embracing him with an arm.

\- Sometimes I think I do. – He finally says. Xavier raises his head and finds his eyes. - But it's just because I hate myself for not being good enough-

\- Stop. - Xavier whispers.

\- For you or anybody-

\- Stop, stop, please. - Xavier shakes his head, feeling the sting of tears on his eyes again. - Stop saying you're not good enough. Who told you that?

Gaspard says nothing and stares down in shame, while Xavier tries to swallow to ease the knot in his throat.

\- I know... - He says after a while. - That you've been rejected by your family. I know that... Maybe you felt like you were a nobody, I know that’s the reason why you keep your mouth shut all the time.

Gaspard averts his gaze, takes a deep breath in, but when it comes back out it's all broken. Nevertheless Xavier keeps on talking.

\- But everybody loves you here. You don't have to be silent anymore.

Gaspard sighs again at this, leaning against him and resting his cheek on Xavier's shoulder. His arm still tight around his waist. His face turned away, so the other can't see him. Xavier looks ahead.

\- And if you want to keep on being silent, that's fine by me. I'll talk for the both of us, if necessary.

Silence now, can't do anything to stop Xavier's words to linger in the air around them.

\- Please, look at me. - Xavier says, his voice so soft, so melancholic. - I tried to ignore you, I did, when your rejection hurt me, but I never could. I've been so childish, and I was so angry... - He raises a hand and buries it on the mass of curls that is Gaspard's hair. - I love you too.

Gaspard tenses up. After all, raising his head and staring back at Xavier how he wanted. He's searching for something on the other's face, a confirmation that this is not a dream, that he won't wake up and this moment will be gone. For once, Xavier doesn't want to keep on talking. He just smiles softly, a mere curl in the corner of his lips. The back of his head still resting on the wall.

Gaspard closes his eyes tight, presses their foreheads together and Xavier closes them too, a moment later moving his head so he can kiss Gaspard's chin. And that's all the confirmation Gaspard needed. Their lips meet and the kiss they share this time is slow, innocent, not rough like the ones before. Xavier's tongue traces over Gaspard's upper lip tasting the salty evidence of the single tear that has made it's way down the other's cheeck.

Gaspard's free hand finds his way under Xavier's shirt, caressing the warm skin of his back. Xavier bites his lower lip and things heat up. They start making out and pressing their bodies as close as possible.  
So good and new, it makes the adrenaline run through their veins. The sexual tension exploding.

Xavier knows for sure that he's crazy now, but then again, he can't care less.


	16. Home

It's a particularly lazy morning. After the first busy week of plays and concerts, everybody wakes up slowly on their day off.

Passing the entrance and into the lobby, the floors have been cleaned the night before and they reflect the sunlight onto the walls. Everything shines.

Moving on to the auditorium, a few girls pass by, heading to the kitchen. Their movements are sluggish, barely lifting their feet off of the floor.

In the hallways, a boy walks towards the bathrooms still wearing his pyjamas and with his glasses askew. He's humming a song that will probably be forgotten by lunch time. A finger sliding against the wall, following his slothful pacing.

On the first floor, moving to our left and turning around a corner; the third room to the right is silent. Chris' arm dangles off of the bed, the palm of his hand barely touches the wooden floor underneath. His cheek probably has marks from the pillow after sleeping face down all night. Hooded eyes, helplessly stare at the string of light that cuts the darkness as he waits for his mind to slowly regain it's consciousness. His other arm rests over Thibaut, who turned around on his sleep and faces the wall. The sheets tangled around their ankles.

On the opposite bed, Sebastian keeps his eyes closed but moves his fingers in front of his face, tapping the tip of each one with his thumb over and over again. Behind him, Vincent yawns close to his nape and snuggles against his back. Sebastian's old, black t-shirt is wound up to his chest and he makes a squeaking sound when Vincent pinches the skin near his belly button while smiling, burying his face on his hair.

 

Up, to the second floor and into the first room. Pedro sits with his back against the pillow and the sheets up to his waist. A hot cup of coffee in his hands; the steam damping his matted locks of hair. The sunlight walks in from the window, which Bertrand opened a few minutes ago after coming inside with two mugs, making his morning a little brighter. Pedro smiles at him, while the other sits cross legged at the end of the bed and holds up a couple of drawings for him to see.

 

Down the hallways and inside the bathroom, a guy brushes his teeth and he offers the toothpaste to the girl standing by his side, who is finishing fixing her hair on a messy ponytail in front of the mirror. A few feet away, another guy giggles as he tries to clean a paint stain from his friend's face, who fell asleep last night with his work clothes dyed in a hundred different colors.

 

To the hallways again, one room is filled with the muffled sound of Xavier talking. He rests facing the roof and gestures with his hands in the air. Gaspard has his eyes still closed, but he keeps on nodding against Xavier’s shoulder as if he would be actually listening to everything he says.  
With his left hand, Gaspard draws patterns on Xavier's naked belly. His right hand, on contraire, is crushed under Xavier's back, the flat of it pressed to the curve of his waist. His arm has fallen in a deeper sleep than him, but he's too comfortable to care. The natural, sweet scent of his boyfriend's skin is something he can almost taste when playfully licking it. Xavier trails off, turning around to kiss the tip of Gaspard’s nose.  
_Boyfriend._ Gaspard thinks, smiling like an idiot and barely opening one eye to see how Xavier is mirroring his expression. It was pretty much all around them already. After all the time they spent together, what else would they be? It's also, somehow amusing to think, while Xavier twists and slides down to hide his face against his chest, that, subsequent to all the misunderstandings, it's the first thing over which they didn't need to argue at all. Even more because the first time Xavier said it out loud, it poured from between his lips like water flows in a river. So matter of factly that there was no place for a single doubt. And he wants to swim along with the tide, he's been wanting it for a long time.

 

In the next room, Thomas giggles in between whispers, Guy-man bites his lower lip because he looks adorable when his smile is so big it forms wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. They rest on their sides, facing each other and close enough that their noses touch. Thomas caresses Guy-Manuel’s back delicately, drawing circles non stop. For some reason he's making comments about how much he loves Guy's lips and laughing at how the compliments make him act shyly even in front of him.

\- It's so calm. - Guy says in a hushed tone, ignoring Thomas’ words.

One of his arms is trapped under the pillow they are sharing, his hand reaching the back of the other's head, fingers curling in Thomas' hair and playing kindly with it. His free arm curls around Thomas, his nails barely scratching the skin between his shoulder blades.

\- I think... - Thomas says. - We've never had such a peaceful morning together.

It's true, the realization leaving them staring at each other with nothing else to say. Not even once they felt so perfectly free of worries. The room can't feel more welcoming. A few years ago they couldn't even dream with resting side by side, embracing each other, with their legs tangled and being completely nude under the covers, like right now. It feels just right to know that nowhere else they could have been so free.

Who knew? They found such an amazing place, so warm, so full of stories to hear and friendships to make. A place where being who they are is perfectly fine.

Guy-Man kisses him, sighing against his lips. Thomas nods slightly as if he would be reading Guy's thoughts.

 

Coming here, running away and discovering this new world, it was definitely the right decision.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end! Feel free to leave comments and kick my ass if necessary.  
> A special thanks to Elisabeth for being an amazing friend and helping me out with the story.  
> And thanks to all of you, for reading this fic. ♥  
> I can't believe it's the end, I don't know what I'm going to do with my insomniac nights now... Hopefully I'll start writing a new story soon. Who knows?


End file.
